Would anyone care for Squid and Eggs with a side of hormones?

This has been a most bizarre morning. I swear when I became a mother, I wasn't prepared for half the crap I go through sometimes. You read about this stuff in parenting magazines and think, "Oh my God!", and it's funny as hell until it happens to you.

It didn't help that I had a severe case of insomnia last night. I mean I didn't get to sleep until the sun starting popping it's head up this morning and those freaking morning birds start yakking outside the window. I was up all night pacing floors, watching TV, meditating, taking herbs, drinking milk; just about anything to raise my melatonin to an appropriate level to, say... COMA level! Wouldn't happen.

My mind was racing about everything, including these stupid videos my husband was watching last night regarding the types of WORMS people get. He's an acupuncturist and he's gotta know these things; but does he have to make ME watch!? Do you know how disgusting it is to watch some guy having pinworms, brain worms, or whatever the hell they were - coming out of the pores of his face! I was sure I was gonna have nightmares; but insomnia! Sometimes I really hate his profession.

I go to bed thinking I can meditate myself to sleep and about five minutes after laying down, here comes Nia. She has had the habit of crawling into bed with us at night for some time now. I don't really discourage her cause she's only three and soon she'll think she's too big of a girl to sleep with mommy and daddy. She's my last, so we allow it. But she's particularly wiggly and this further hampers any ability to fall asleep. I'm having flashbacks of many sleepless nights after the twins were born. So off to the couch I go.

So there I am with my pillows and wool blanket; it was a bit cold last night after all the storms we've had. I turn on the TV and try to find something extra boring to coax my brain cells to stop function for just a few hours - the NEWS. Larry King was discussing GM and all it's crap again, which I am so freaking tired of hearing, and Nancy Grace was on another tirade over the "Tot Mom" trial in Miami. Again, tired of hearing and not into child trials. Ahhh, Soap Operas! These bore me to tears these days, so it was a good start. After a hour and a half of All My Children, and putting the cat out at 5 am, I'm ready to snuggle.

It seems like I just fell asleep when I am awoken by someone rambling in the kitchen making coffee. It must be Julian because he wanted to get up early this morning and go fishing. I'm caught now in that area between awake and asleep when I feel the grumpies coming on. It doesn't help that it's that time of the month and renegade hormones are having a serious party in my body.

Soon Nia is awake and crawling all over me, when I realize that I haven't heard Julian leave for the pier yet. So I resign myself to get up, grab a cup of coffee, and search for him. He's in bed!

"Julian, aren't you going fishing? Get up and go cause you don't have much time left." I say, because I just passed the clock and it's already 8:30.

"Well dad got up and made me go back to bed", he says half groggily while turning over.

"Nope, get up and get ready or you won't have any time before we go to the movies this afternoon", I repeat and remembering the fiasco that happened yesterday when Kurt suddenly announced that we weren't going to the movies until today. So the boy better get up and get going!

So Julian drags himself up and makes a quick breakfast while the rest of the crew is crawling out from under their peaceful slumbers that I DIDN'T HAVE LAST NIGHT!

I'm feeling a headache starting to come on. Is it from lack of sleep, hormones, or both? Who cares! I'm heading for the Percogesic anyway. Nadia is finally up and now laying on the sofa. She is not a morning person. It takes her a good hour before she's functioning, but my husband is in the mood to have everyone function as soon as their eyes are open today. I instinctively know that this is not gonna turn out pretty.

"Nadia get up and get dressed and get some breakfast", he barks as if some drill sergeant in the army. She resists, he barks a little louder - no a LOT louder. She stomps off in a huff and then suddenly I hear a ear splitting scream from her.

"NIIIIIIAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! NOOOO YOU DIDN'T!!!!"

I cannot emphasize enough how loud this child was. The entire Asian continent heard her scream, I know. I already know before anyone says anything what Nadia is shrieking to the top of her lungs about.

See, a couple of days ago, Nadia and her friend Emily found a baby birds egg laying on the ground at the foot of a rather large palm tree in our front yard. Knowing they couldn't climb up to put it back, Nadia brought it to me and I painstakingly helped her make a small nest and create a warm environment so it could hatch. Nadia took it on as her own personal baby. She carefully turned the egg each day, and checked on it like, well...... a mother would check on her own child. I reminded her to keep her door closed (we have a child proof door knob to keep you-know-who-out), but Nadia forgot to close it when she woke up this morning.

The "midget" got to it.

I turned to Nia and asked her "where's the egg Nia?"

"Stop it mom - don't look at me!", she says with a scowl. I already know she's gotten it, and it's - gone!

"Nia, where is Nadia's bird egg? Did you go and take it from her room?", I say with a element of sleep deprived impatience in my tone.

"Stop it mom - don't talk to me!" she says while running for her bedroom.

I'm hoping that she hasn't squashed it yet and that she just has it safely hidden, but my own motherly instincts, and experience, still tell me that it's been poked to death by her little fingers of inquisitiveness. I open the door to her room and she's quick to slam it back closed in a hasty get-away - on my fingers! I manage to open the door again and there she sits, on the bed with the covers over her head. Guilt is reeking off of this child as I firmly plea for her to tell me where the egg is while holding onto my throbbing right hand.

She ain't talking, Nadia is crying like someone stabbed her to death, Kurt is now yelling at Julian cause he's burnt the oatmeal because he was staring at the TV instead, and Toni, well she's intelligently decided to simply ignore all of us this morning. Smart girl!

I'm too tired and too impatient to deal with cross examining Nia, so I turn my attention to Nadia as Kurt is yapping to her from the kitchen that it was "just an egg", while still scolding Julian over burnt breakfast.

Mommy wanted to slap daddy at that moment.

Could he not see that it was Nadia's maternal instinct crying out for her child that had been kidnapped by the rabid curiosity of a three year old? Where was his compassion - his understanding? He's more focused on burnt oatmeal than his daughters mourning over her "first child". I wanted to get mad, but half my brain is still asleep and I am only function on one cup of coffee through this. Or either I'm making mountains out of molehills. Either which, I can't tell the difference right now.

So Kurt decides to send Julian out fishing with Toni to eliminate some of the friction that has escalated to an all-high level this morning. Off they all go, to the garage to gather the fishing supplies and equipment. About five minutes later, another crisis hits the garage, the kitchen, and part of the house.

Julian has left his squid sitting in his bait bucket for three freaking days in the garage instead of putting it back in the freezer as I have instructed him to do more times than I can remember. When he opens the lid to that bucket, the stench literally hits the garage and the interior of the house connected to it, like a huge fishy stink bomb exploding!

Kurt and Toni come running into the house sporting a few shades of green and looking like they are ready to lose the contents of their breakfast on the just mopped, kitchen floor. Julian must have passed out from it because it takes him a while before he shows his guilty face at my wrath of judgment.

Everything that I have gathered for the upcoming yard sale is in that garage: sofa, clothes, pillows, massage tables, and stuffed toys are blanketed in a thick fog of three day old fish! The smell of rancid squid has now permeated all of it. HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA SELL IT NOW!!

"Hi would like to buy a colorful red sofa that gives that "just been to the beach" feeling every time you curl up on it?" I THINK NOT!!!

So I'm out there with my bottle - make that two bottles - of Febreeze, spraying that shit all over everything and it still smells like squid. At least it's "allergin-free" now! I'm out there for a good half hour spraying after Kurt puts up the fan and the garage door hoping it will just "blow away" that stench soon. I can tell the garage door is gonna be sitting wide-assed open for the next week so we can air this stuff out.

I can also tell that I need a four-shot cafe latte to get me through the rest of this morning.

So I head to Starbucks and right after I get in the van, there it is again. That damn squid smell. It has NOW leaked in the car. The car is parked right at the garage door. So when it was opened, it encased my entire car with a full blast of noxious fishy fumes. All the windows were lowered down soon after I got in, and I would have driven with both sliding doors open, but flip flops, Barbie's and booster seats would have been flying out the sides. It was already hard enough driving safely with my head fully stuck out the drivers window while trying to gasp for air at the same time, without worrying about accidents being caused by Butterfly Barbie.

I'm gonna get that boy when I get home. No! I imagine that I'll just break all his fishing gear in a crazy mother-fit of anger than makes all the neighbors run and hide in their cellars while calling the cops that a crazy lady is loose throwing fishing gear and tackle boxes, and smelly squid all over the front yard.

I get back home, get the last of the Febreeze and squirt the car down - no I SOAK the car down with the last of the bottle. Then I grab the refill and start squirting again. I go back towards the house and notice the bait bucket on the ground next to the garage door. Even though the squid is gone, the bucket is still oozing that smell and it's heading right back into the garage.

"JULIAN!!!", I scream this time. Everyone else has been screaming so I figure I should join in on all the fun we're having now.

"JULIAN, get your butt out here with a bottle of bleach and clean that bait bucket out PRONTO!", I yell a little more. I'm sure the neighbors are getting just a little bit curious themselves over what all the hoopla is about at our house.

He's giving me that guilty, sheepish-like, little boy look cause he knows he's been bad. I look over my sunglasses at him and let him know in a matter-of-fact way, that the smell is NOW in my car. He's looking a little more guilty. I think the smell is getting to as well because he's got that green shade coming on himself.

Nadia is still in the house crying over the bird egg as Kurt suddenly produces the "remains" of the egg. I don't even want to know where the rest of it is - can't handle anymore - don't want to know.

My house smells like dead fish, there is a dead bird yolk somewhere in the house, I've had absolutely NO sleep, and everyone has gone completely nuts in my family, including me.

Except Toni. For once, she has minded her own business, kept to herself and decided that life is best left to watching "The Backyardigans" instead of engaging with a bunch of half-crazed idiots this morning. It is about that moment that she decides to open a new area of conversation.

"Mom, what's wrong with the cat?", she asks with a worried look on her face.

"I don't know, what's wrong with Remi?", I curiously ask back.

She picks him up and shows me his back paw. Poor Remi has stepped on something while outside, and has a big cut on the bottom of his back paw, and he's limping around. How did I miss this? Oh yeah, I was focused on dead fish and a dead bird egg.

Before noon has even hit my plate has been full with:

• Insomnia and hormones
• Dead bird saga
• Squid-scented house, garage, and van
• Injured cat

I have sent the "family" off to the movies. I am taking another Percogesic and heading off for a much needed nap. But before I go; can anyone tell me how to rid the garage of that SMELL?

Princess Penelope Poopsie

Presenting.......

Princess Penelope Poopsie!

It Was A Dark and Stormy Day Until.......

There's a saying here in Florida: "If you don't like the weather, wait a half an hour and it will change". This morning it was the same old stormy, rainy, gloomy weather we've had for days. We awoke to rain, rain, and more rain. I had resigned myself to the fact that it would be another boring day indoors, so I got the girls together to do a little video taping as Kurt and Julian zoned out again on a new Xbox game.

About the time the kitchen was cleaned and the girls were ready to film each, the storm clouds began to break and sun started peeking through the overcast. It was a sight for sore eyes. The seemingly dark house became bright again.

Change of plans - LET'S GO TO THE BEACH!!

There was a flurry of clothes changing and towel grabbing, and running for the car. Things were happening so fast that I nearly forgot my cameras and Julian almost forgot to save his place on his new video game. Now THAT would have been a disaster when we got home. I cannot live with Julian after he's forgotten to save a game; you'd think somebody had been torturing the damn kid to death. All the moaning and groaning....

Oh, the beach.

Driving to the beach was like an observation of an ant hill after the rain-soaked ground had dried. Suddenly cars and people begin emerging from their deep dark and sandy caves to venture into the light which had seemed all but forgotten; until now. We reached the toll to Pensacola Beach and I guess a lot more had the same idea as we because there were a line of cars waiting to thrust their dollar at the attendant and haul ass to the waves.

Kurt rolled the window up on the dollar bill and had some crafty idea of having the attendant "pull" it out of the window as we drove by. I explained to him the physics of this idea and how it wouldn't work, and he explained to me about light sensitivity and depression and how he needed to get to the beach fast because I was falling victim to it.

Have I been that grumpy?

Upon arriving, it was a beautiful sight. The sun was shining, and the air was crisp and new after the storms chaos had passed. I took in a deep breath of fresh air and realized that Spring was officially here. Kurt kept babbling about everyone taking their shoes till it almost became the main focus of being there.

Soon Kurt and the kids were running down the beach with their arms spread wide, while I ran behind with the stupid video camera trying to film all the excitement. I don't think the video came out very well as the picture was just a big up-down-up-down, blur of sun, water, sand, and bodies.

Back to the iPhone camera.

Nia took no time at all accidentally on purpose, "falling" into the water.

"Oopsie mommy - I tripped!" she says with a big smile

It doesn't matter, I brought extra clothes for just this moment. The poor girl is a three year old bundle of energy that's been confined for days inside a dreary house. "Let her be free", I think to myself.

Then there THEY are. Suddenly entwined in the bunches of seaweed and sand are Portuguese Man-O-War jellyfish. They are actually quite bewitching looking with their shades of cobalt blue that surrounds their bulbous, clear bodies, and long blue tentacles intermingled with the seaweed.

I don't care what pretty colors these thing show up in, they are nasty - nasty I tell you. They look more like blown up condoms laying all over the white sandy beach than they do some exotic sea critter.

Thus begins walking like we entered a forbidden mine field. It wouldn't be so bad except that everyone but me was stung last year by little "regular" jellyfish. This has cause Nadia to be quite paranoid of the beach and its various forms of sea life this past year. She sees jellyfish - she freaks! I am preparing myself for the long moans and whines from her as we start out trekking over the snowy white sands before us.

She isn't saying a word about the jellyfish! "Okay, who are you and where have you taken my daughter", I shockingly think to myself. This is too good to be true. I'm thinking she has finally evolved out of the neurotic phase she acquired last summer over the stinging, bloating beast she so unfortunately had a close encounter with.

OOOKAAAAY! It's gonna be a GREAT summer this year! Maybe this year she will remember that when you see one in the water - move your ass out of the way! That advice goes for my husband (especially when he's holding Nia in the water again), Julian, and Toni. Somehow, I am already blessed with this knowledge.

DUH.......

The sun beams over our heads and as we walk, Kurt and Julian decide to run ahead and take advantage of a beach side jog. The girls and I slowly stroll along while taking notice of little green "thingies" swimming in the miniature lakes left over by rising tides of the storm. There are a great many groups of these tiny green sea life's. I have never seen them before; have NO clue what they are, but they are everywhere, much like the jellyfish are.

Interest of these creatures quickly turn to basking in the sun and playing in the water. Toni and Nia are so full of joy over the simplicities of splashing, jumping, and wading in the emerald colored waters that thoughts of the storms are now meager memories to us all.

I don't care that they are soaking wet from head to toe. They have finally been freed from the bonds of the long winter months. We all have, and.....

IT. IS. HEAVEN TODAY!!!

I Hate A Bad Morning.....

I have figured out today that tornadoes flying all around me this morning just might not hold a candle to figuring out HTML coding for gadgets, widgets, blidgets, and bladgets for my blog! Between these two unsavory events, my nerves are a wreck today! Not to mention that the girls are ready to pack their bags and leave home if I don't stop my obsessive searching for the answers to understanding html coding.

The morning started out by being awaken by a phone call from my husband, who was yelling and ranting about a tornado headed our way. I was still in a severe sleep stupor, and I hadn't even had my first cup of coffee yet, so I was slowly, very slowly grasping this. It wasn't till after looking out the window to the west and noticing low and heavy clouds, black as night, with thick, sharp lightning strikes reaching down like fingertips from God, that I suddenly took action.

I looked at all the girls and told them to dress quickly (in case half the house blew down, I didn't want us wandering around in pj's and pull-up's), and meet in the hallway. I was actually screaming something to my husband over the phone about jumping into the car and hauling ass two hours to the northeast to my mother's house.

Remember, I haven't had anything remotely resembling caffeine yet.

By the way, what/who sends a potential tornado to your doorstep before you've had your first cup of freaking coffee? So I'm squashed in the bottom of our towel closet with my three girls smelling the coffee my husband had already made before he left, and I can't even get to it yet! But that thought is quickly washed away with the quiet whimpers of my three and seven year old girls. I'm not sure if they are whimpering about the weather, or my laying on them in the name of protection is actually hampering their breathing efforts.

Luckily, we survived unscathed, and the tornado passed us by like a big, bad bully stomping over our heads.

Which, by the way, my sincerest thoughts and prayers go out to those who had to suffer through the tornadoes early this morning. Coffee or no coffee, those people need rallying around right now.

As the morning progressed, things seemed to get better as the thick black clouds rolled on to the east and the rains eased to a mere drizzle here and there. I was finally able to plug the computer back in and begin again where I left off last night; Googling "how to make a scroll bar for blogs". Still, everything I found wasn't working on my blog. Most html codes just left a box with a pretty border, but no scroll, no personal blog badge code inside the box.

So much for "Blogger" Help Forum.

After three days and a tornado later, I finally find a code for a scroll box that would actually "work" on my blog. Then I start having issues of having the actual code for my badge show up inside the scroll box. Figuring this out is nothing short of climbing the Himalyians - NAKED! I'm desperately asking for help from all my "Mom Blogging" sites. What I get back is bloggers having similar issues to mine. I feel a sense of depression seeping in when suddenly I hear the "ping" from my Plurk account.

It's "Tara"; she's a fellow blogging friend who lives in the town next to mine. It's so good to find a fellow blogger so close to home so I'm eager to see what she has to say this morning. She has successfully survived the onslaught of this mornings storm and then she announces that she's been nominated for the 2009 Blogging Awards. I am SO excited for her just for the fact that she lives so close and I actually KNOW someone now whose been nominated for one of those things. I wanna vote for her so bad cause she's got a good blog called "If Mom Says Ok"!

Then curiosity gets to the best of me. I type my blog URL into this site and realize I've been nominated TOO - for three freaking categories! Who the hell did that! I'm thinking my husband because he has been so supportive in my efforts to getting my blog off and running. But it doesn't matter cause I'm so excited that I screech as loud as I can and Toni and Nia think something dreadfully awful has happened.

Can't they tell the difference between an excited screech and a terrified screech?

I email "Tara" back to tell her that I've been nominated to and that we should click and vote each other to death! Our fingers may fall from all the voting off before we accomplish anything though. Then I do the next best thing; I decide to nominate my cousin's site. He's an accomplished writer, so he deserves a lot of votes too. Plus, it's real good karma to pass around!

So after I nominate my cousin, I decide to send a mass emailing out telling everyone about the nomination and to nominate my cousin too. Okay, so I'm a bit over zealous, so what! Will it help? I don't know, but I sure felt proud about the whole process of doing it. Anyone who first starts blogging knows exactly how hard it can be because it's not just writing about this or that. It's about expression of the self; of who you are, and how much damn money one can make!

So after my little hoo-hah session with my ego, I'm back to trying to figure out this perplexing scroll bar coding. I've had a decent crash course over the past couple of months since starting this blog, so I can understand a bit of In The Motherhood, or anything.

I'm copying, pasting, switching, rearranging, researching, banging my head on the wall, nervously stuffing grapes in my mouth, managing a bit of playtime with my girls in between. When suddenly, God sends me an angel on Twittermoms. It is "Dealicious Mom", and she unknowingly been sent by God to rescue me and my sanity from this html abyss.

She offers for me to check out her site and use what I need. I see the same badge and scroll box with code on her site that I'm trying to do for my site. Another brick wall. Till she offers me to email her.

I quicky fire a email to her, and she replies with the most beautiful email I have seen in months; that gorgeous bit of html code that I already have, but instead, it's written twice. It's written twice except it has one piece of code dividing it, that I haven't noticed before: form with two little arrows on each side.

This one stupid six character piece of code is what has completely fried my brain for three days. It has caused so much chaos between my girls and I, that I should hunt down the shithead who invented this and hit he/she with a karmic two by four; cause that's what they deserve for messing with so many of us who are just trying to sludge our way through html and survive.

So, I convinced my girls to unpack their bags and stay for awhile longer. I mean, after a rainy day, how far can they get on:

• a bag of popcorn,
• two apples,
• Wuzzy - Nia's stuffed seal,
• Toni's Nintendo,
• and Nadia's jar of change?

It was my que to put down my keyboard and glasses and take up baking cookies instead.

Man, double chocolate chip, pecan cookies baked by your daughter and her friend are sooo much more satisfying than learning html any day of the week.

And a heck of better than squished bodies in a towel closet!

Spring in Here! AAUUGGHH!!!

Okay, this time of year is my absolutely favorite time of the year, but is also the most dreaded time of the year too. I know, I know, that's an oxymoron of sorts. That's why this time of year drives me crazy. And it doesn't help that I have raging hormones this week either! God, I hate hormones - or is it Spring Fever - doesn't matter! Whatever is happening to me at the moment just plain sucks big banana weanies!

On top of it, the kids have started their Easter Vacation this week. Oh, I'm sorry, did I not speak in a politically correct manner here? Listen, every since I was a kid, it's always been known as Easter Vacation because it falls during Easter. I have a problem with calling my kids vacation from school "Spring Break" because this is originally named for a week for beach-bound college students who spend their time with boobs a blazen, kegs of beer, and lying on the beach half-drunk, half-dead, or both. Therefore, I cannot connect Spring Break with anyone under 18; least of all my kids. So Easter Vacation it is - as it always has been!

Easter Vacation is also the time we parents get to "prepare" ourselves for summer vacation. Call it the.... Summer Endurance Try-Outs. It is that time of year that our kids dish out everything possible in order to see what 2 1/2 months after school is out will bring. The kids are asking themselves:

"Are mom and dad reeeally ready for us this year again? Oh, they look a little worn this year. Let's get em this week! You refuse to clean your room for a couple of days while I look like the 'good' kid - then we'll switch! That'll confuse em good. Oh, by the way, encourage Nia to climb the bookcase and we'll stand back and play dumb! Don't forget, make sure we fight extra hard while cleaning the kitchen after dinner. That should send them over the edge by the end of the week! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"

Let me tell you something, if you think your kids do not sit back and think of deviant behavior to commit against your will, then you've been sniffing too many azaleas this season. I guarantee they sit in school two weeks before Easter Vacation and plan this shit out... in detail!

Combine this with those allergies that you never had as a kid (well, not so bad anyway), but hit you like some karmic two by four come the first freaking day of Spring. I am fine until the buds appear and suddenly I'm feeling like someone has inserted two ice cold, ice pics directly into both sides of my forehead. Add that "curved" ice pic that has been inserted into my left ear and curves itself up to the top of my head. What the hell is that all about!

After about 8-9 Benadryl throughout the day, several acupuncture treatments later, and I am officially whacked out of my head, but the headache still lingers on like a really bad date. My red, sore nose is beginning to resemble W.C. Fields after a case of cheap bourbon, when Nia suddenly brings me some flowers she has just picked from the yard. You know, the ones that seem to always have extra pollen on them at this precise moment in time. Where ARE those stinking Honey Bees when you need them! They're suppose to be taking care of this pollen shit for me!

"SMELL EM Mooooom!" she squeals

"Not now Nia, mommy has a sinus headache", I reply knowing that resistance is futile at this point.

"Smell em mom - smell them NOW!" she says with that same look that my husband gets when the kids fight about doing dishes. I swear she looks like one of those characters from the Starship Voyager series with that wrinkle on the bridge of her nose.

"Okay Nia", I say half-heartedly cause I know I'm gonna be suffering for another day because of this one damn sniff.

I sniff. My nose starts itching. My head hurts a little bit more. And then out of nowhere, the sneeze from hell comes roaring forth and those little multi-colored blossoms become encased with, with..... I'll just say it - SNOT - and LOT'S of it!

"MooooooOOOOOM!" Nia cries. "YOU RUINED MY FLOWERS!!!" she screeches, in that high-pitched tone that just made my eardrums go crack.

I'm feeling the need for another Benadryl as she begins to cry at this once beautiful little bouquet she held, but lays at my feet instead in a slimy, nauseous mass.

Since I have been officially ordained as the fixer of all things physical and emotional in my family from the moment the twins were first conceived, I stumble to my feet and hesitantly walk to the other side of the yard to the cluster of flowers Nia once sat at, and picked from moments ago. This time I pick her a bouquet while firmly gripping my nose with my left hand to avoid any unpleasantries in the process. I cannot hand her a freshly picked bouquet of mucous!

I walk back to her with my measly, and hastily chosen selection of wildflowers from the corner of the yard. She is quietly sitting, legs spread and hair covering her face, on the back porch while squashing ants with her fingertips. She is still sulking over my mishap.

"Nia - will these make it better", I quietly say while pushing aside her hair from her eyes.

Nia looks up at the flowers with those big brown eyes, then at me. She then stands to give me a big hug and whispers "I love you mommy," in my ear.

Yeah, it's a Hallmark moment.

This is about the time that the most inappropriate thing happens: my nose starts this piercing stinging again that signals an impending sneeze coming. I hurriedly give Nia a bunch of kisses and say something about having to go to the bathroom.

It is about the time that I swing open the door to go into the house AT the same time that Julian is attempting to come outside.

AAAAACCCCHHHHHHOOOOO!!!!!!

I let it rip - holding NOTHING back!

Let's just say that Julian and I are now even in the department of "drive your parents crazy during Easter Vacation"!

Family on Saturday...

So I spent the weekend dividing my time between seeing family I haven't seen in 7 or more years, and going to a local art festival. It was pure joy! But frankly, I don't know what the hell the kids ate this weekend because they all have the absolutely WORST case of gas they have ever had! It's like the fart-blossom special came rolling through my house. The twins are actually making music from their butts right now! GROOOOSS! Kurt has spent most of the evening now doling out anti-stinky herbs to them and I have opened every possible window.

Aaaaanyway...... back to the first part of my weekend.

Aunt Edna, Uncle Gene, my brother Bob, Julian and me.

My extended family and I were loud and obnoxious just like the good ole days. We covered every topic imaginable (yes politics AND religion without killing one another). We may be a little country, but we are still civilized (can't say that for Congress these days!).

It made me realize how much I miss having them in my life regularly; they live in North Carolina, and I in Florida. But, we have a family reunion coming up in June that I know I just can't miss now. Even though miles and many years have separated us, they are a family you know will be there for you no matter what. And that's pretty hard to come by these days unless all of you are on anti-depressants, and in that case you just get together to share each others prescriptions and bad cream pies!

Aunt Randy and Uncle Mike
They just bought a RV and I'm hoping I'm on their favorites list, hee, hee!

You know it's been a successful visit when the kids ask if they can't meet more of the same sometime soon (Toni actually wanted to go home with my Aunt Edna and Uncle Gene, and that took some talking her out of for a while), and the husband doesn't complain about anyone on the way home; he just wishes he had people like that to communicate regularly with.

Aunt Edna just wrote me an email telling me that they finally got back home in North Carolina. They must have been as exhausted as we are cause they took a wrong turn and went about 3 hours in the WRONG direction! I guess somewhere in their heads they just weren't ready for their road trip to be over. They wanted to extend it in some of the weirdest parts of the South! It didn't help that the only place "decent" they found on that wrong road to eat at served them coffee that tasted like burnt bark and water.

My reply to her is:

Dear Aunt Edna,

First of all - get a GPS! It's the 21st Century Man!

Next, never, never, never, never, never get lost on back roads in Alabama without one of Uncle Gene's hunting rifles!

And if you can't find a Starbucks or McDonalds' - DON'T DRINK THE COFFEE, much less eat there!

PS - Glad you made it home safe and with your sanity intact.

Love,

Carolyn

2009 ArtFest in Fairhope, Alabama on Sunday....

God I'm tired

Next, we decided to really wear the kids out by getting up early and going over to Fairhope, Alabama for their ArtFest. It's one of the top 100 art festivals in the country. Frankly, there is never a reason not to visit Fairhope in my humble opinion. It's one of the last few vestiges in small town living. The energy there oozes with such a creative spirit that my children instantly changed from cranky tired to a vibrant and giggly brood in the back of our van the moment the city limits sign is passed. Nadia went into a new "valley girl" character that I had never heard of before.

"Oooh, MAH GOOOD - it's like a totally narly parking spot daaad!", she blares out.

"Let's like park IN the water, so like no one will park near our car daaaad! Like we could just park at the top of the hill and like watch the car roll, and it would like just SPLASH and we would like be paaahhked dad and like no one can tow it away. Like don't you think that's a totally cool idea?" she humorously rambles.

Kurt is laughing so hard that he is just about to drive over that cliff and I have to yell him back to reality and make him stop staring at Nadia in the rear view mirror and start looking at the damn road - CAUSE IT'S A LITTLE ROAD! At least he doesn't have to pee like a Russian race horse afterwards cause we have a long freaking hike to the festival.

Anyway, WE'RE PARKED already and here are a few shots Nadia and I took at the fest. Now some of the art is what I thought was original and not "cookie cutter" art. You know, it's like the same stuff you see at every - single - art - show, that it makes you feel like most of these art festivals are like scenes from the movie Groundhog Day; they repeat over and over and over and....?

Most of the artists were pretty cool about my taking pics and putting them up here, but I must say that one lady was pretty snotty about the issue. I explained the whole long-winded vooden to the lady, like how I would take her business card and make sure credit would be put by her picture, and yada, yada, yada, yada!

She looks at me from a half groggy-assed cat nap and says "Noooooo - I don't THINK so."

SO! SHE"S not in this - BLAH! Even though she had really cool tribal masks made of colored glass that had been melted in a kiln. Never seen anything like it - and we won't see it here either! Bi-otch!

But here some pics of our day at the 2009 ArtFest in Fairhope, Alabama. I would have added more if Nadia hadn't put her damn thumb over the lense in half of them, or cut half the picture in two. Must have been the heat getting to her; or the fact that her dad refused to let her buy a snow cone (????) It was not a great day to get her started on photography lessons. I couldn't get any pictures of her because she spent most of the day sulking cause she didn't get that damn snow cone!

Okay, let's just get the basic entertainment segment out of the way. We always have the ballet dancers, and always will.

Nia politely named the head dancer "Parolina".

Now where the hell she got that name God only knows cause I have yet to see it in any Disney film.

And of course there is food, and more food,

and yet more food.....

But this is what my husbands thinks will feed a family of six!

No wonder Nadia is pissed off about the snow cones!

Toni is completely mesmerized by watching various artists at work. We had to sit a spell while she watched this guy.

GOT FISH!

This is art for that avid hunter in your family. Oh Uncle Geeeene!

This was some pretty cool stuff by a woman who designs come from her dreams. If you are interested in her stuff, or anyone elses's, just click on the image from here on down, and it will go right to their website.

Here is another artist doing something quite a bit different. These are drawings on scrap pieces of tin roof. Very simple and very raw. It speaks a thousand words without every making a sound.

Julian gets tired........

I put the boy to work. Well, at least Toni liked it!

THEN

Nia decides to have a meltdown because she can't walk around without shoes on!

NO, I am not on medication, I just did it with the iPhone somehow.
Though at this point I wish a had a glass of wine!


REALLY cool stuff this lady had!

This was a wonderful way of using old architecture and combining it with art and dried flowers. This is definitely the NEW country look.

I felt at this moment my feet needed to be in the art show

Though they didn't win any awards today, I still love my new shoes!

And just when you thought you couldn't find anything else to do with that antique silver you own.

These were a few metalworks designs that I really liked. These were some of the pics that Nadia stuck her thumb through, so please go check out their websites for more info.

AAAND.... (think of the movie Twister).

And, of course the picture that Julian had to take because he is always thinking of his mom....

So there you have it - our big day at the festival. Next week I have the County Fair on my calendar. Oh that will be a hoot'n nanny (I actually heard that word this weekend!). If I live through the kids Spring Break this week, then I'll get back to you on the fair.

It is now time for me to collapse in a looooong coma now.

People of Interest

Taken while driving in the car in downtown Pensacola.

Check out the guy walking on the left.

NIA HAS TAKES FANCY NANCY TO AN EXTREME....

By the title, you already know that the Fancy Nancy books are Nia's favorites to read these days. She is learning quite a vocabulary of big words, plus some French as well. Add that to the Dora the Explorer and Ni Nai, Kai-lan, Nick shows, and pretty much have no clue as to what she'll spurt out next. We're lucky we understand her various forms of communication between all the different languages she's learning.

Even though her language is sprinkled with culture, I was especially proud of her the other day when she was looking over a birthday invitation that her sister got not too long ago. Her and my husband were reading over it and it suddenly HE forgot what R.S.V.P., meant.

Nia pointed at the letters then blurted out, "that means respondaaa SEE VU PLAY!"

Daddy was both shocked and impressed (and feeling a little stupid). I beamed with motherly pride, and I looked at him like he was.... well, that doesn't matter here.

But this morning, thinks got a little weird. Nia is on the loo in the bathroom doing "her business". I'm standing in the doorway waiting for her to finish so I can help her get dressed when she announces in a matter-of-fact way:

"Mom, POOOOPING is a fancy word for taking a BIG CRAP!"

Mouth drops, eyeballs roll. I. Am. Speechless..... again.

I'm thinking now is a good time to torture and punish my husband for his colorful vocabulary around the kids. At least she didn't say the "S" word. I guess maybe Fancy Nancy has also taught her the art of recognizing "boundaries" with mom.

Smart girl! Read On!

JUST A FEW INSANE THOUGHTS

FOR STUFF
THAT MIGHT MAKE A MOM'S LIFE EASIER......
At least it would mine!

Like every freaking mom on the planet, I don't have enough time in the day to do everything I need to do. Because of this, I have just a few quick suggestions to some of you child prodigies, overpaid corporate R&D types, and some of you up and coming inventors of the strange and weird, who might want to make an easy buck off some of our tired, old, saggy or perky (I hate you), asses.

These are just a few of my motherly time-saving ideas that I have had while chasing a naked baby all over the yard, arguing with my tween daughter over the correct color coordination of clothing (no brown and white polka dots DO NOT go with blue and white vertical stripes), or reminding my son that McDonald's still has not gone organic yet in this century. Oh, and feel free to comment with a few of your own clever ideas - this needs to become a movement.

• I request that the dental association lower the brushing time from two minutes to 45 seconds. Why, because I am tired of brushing and flossing while chasing my three year old who, once again has stolen my organic makeup (it is NOT cheap), and is smearing it on her as she runs. It would also help the kids out in the morning before school. Apparently, a hour and a half is still not enough time for them to get ready. If they just can't reduce that time, then at least give us moms a super sonic toothbrush that does the job at 90 m.p.h, and that flosses at the same time while squirting that anti-gingivitis/bad breath minty shit in our mouths as well.

• Mr Clean's Magic Erasers are TOO SMALL! We need something that is larger than the mini pad we use every month! We have BIG jobs that need a BIGGER eraser than you produce these days. After scrubbing "washable" markers (yeah, right!) and crayon marks off the walls every week, I'm left with nothing but white foosies and I'm still haven't finished! Please make these things bigger cause our kids are figuring bigger ways to make messes and you are NOT keeping up with them.

• Clothing designers should limit clothing color to just black, white, and tan. This limits the time spent standing in front of our closets trying to figure out what the hell to wear for the fourth time during the day after being spit up on, dirt smeared on, or having a bad case of hormones! Throwing in a few colors like coral (which is nothing but a fancy pink, so I don't know why they have to confuse us further), or chartreuse (like I wanna wear a color named after a liqueur). I want simple, and 52 different colors to choose from does not make life easier. There is no time left over to color coordinate shoes, makeup and handbags with 4 kids and an impatient husband standing at my bedroom door whining "aren't you done yeeeet?" This also applies to all shoes and children's clothing too. This eliminates unprepared for meltdowns between the pink tu-tu and the Hello Kitty dress, or the blue and white vertical stripes with brown and white polka dots.

• We are in the 21st Century so washers and dryers should now be made so they can handle a whole weeks worth of laundry in one stinking load! Just imagine all the time we could save there! Make those clothes above so that they don't run and we don't need to worry about anything bleeding.... period!

OH MY GOD! I can't believe I just said that; HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!

Aaaanyway......

• This one is reeeally important folks. I want someone to invent a shower that works JUST LIKE a freaking car wash. I want to be showered, shaved, and blow dried in five minutes flat! I am tired of having to jump out of a shower wet to chase that same three year old down who just swiped my body wash and likes to pour as she runs. This is why I buy Suave. Plus, I am tired of waking up at the crack of dawn just to get a decent shower in that actually HAS hot water!

• Thank God they made the "Roomba" for complete hands-free vacuuming. Even though I don't HAVE one yet, they are still a great invention for us moms, and when the economy gets back to normal in about five years, I'll be the first in line to get one. But where's it's bloody mopping equivalent? I want a hands-free mop that comes complete with heavy duty floor scrubbers that can handle that week old bubble gum that blended in with the floor so well that I didn't see until the cat was whining because he got stuck in it and I had to scrape it off the floor and then apply freaking peanut butter on a squirming cat to get it off his paw, which resulted in a slash above my lip!. Ungrateful freaking kitty! It should also leave a was job so sparkling that I can have a handy mirror at my disposal anywhere I walk.... or slide in the house so I can make sure I am still color coordinated to Madison Avenue's standards.

• Another important one: I want a trash chute that is designed like the deposit chute at our drive-thru bank. This eliminates unnecessary begging and pleading of someone... ANYONE - to take out the stinky-assed garbage. Just insert the overflowing bag into the handy-dandy chute (your choice of designer colors of course), and watch the puppy get sucked right into the garbage can... WHA-LA! Now if I can just get someone to invent something to take to the street every Monday morning.

• I want a refrigerator that will tell ME what's for dinner based on what little I have left inside it. I want it to give me a 30 minute, Anthony Bourdain-style gourmet meal from the 3-day old leftovers that I still have sitting in it. And it better be good cause I have the most finicky kids on the planet and I don't need to be adding MORE uneaten leftovers to a refrigerator that does nothing more than keep it cool for another three days. If we're gonna shell out $1000 for oversized ice cube container, make the damn things more useful will ya!

• Here's a stretch - how about a "mom's only" lane on the freeway? Some of you may not realize, but we mom's are a very busy bunch. We have:

groceries to buy,
calls to make and receive regarding PTA meetings and such,
school conferences to attend,
errands to run between conferences,
dry cleaning to haul,
forgotten school supplies to deliver,
husbands to-do list to decipher and complete,
unexpected vomit to clean our of car which leads to,
unexpected doctors and pharmacy visits,
carpools to juggle,
carpools to run over,
violin lessons to attend - or not,
soccer and baseball practices to haul ass to,

and we need to do these as EFFICIENTLY - AS - POSSIBLE!

We do not have time for some old geezer or first-time student driver thinking it's okay to do 20 in a 55 m.p.h., zone, or trying to maneuver around people who think that the passing lanes actually means "slow your ass down to a crawl".

• Last, but not least, if we are going to be forced to eat fast food because of our constant time crunches, can some of you corporate giants manage to squeeze a little organic variety into your menus. My kids a like a quick burger like the next kid, but I'm tired of the endless guilt of feeding them hormone laden, chemically induced, antibiotic laced, mad cow maybe-maybe not, beef and chicken. I tend to stick to an organic menu at home, I expect you guys to do the same now that we are in a NEW millennium. WE have broaden our intellect on food, why can't you?

Okay, I think that's it for the day, but I'm sure I'll have plenty more before the month is over. Mom's lives are ever-evolving, so your products need to change with us as well when we tell you to change them. We hold the checkbook (does anyone use that anymore?), the debit AND credit card(s), ALL the passwords to the every freaking bank account in our households, and the names addresses of all the important people we need to contact who make mommie products! Also remember, we are bringing up your future employees or COMPETITORS and we will teach them which one mommie does or doesn't like. And ass we all know, moms have invented just about EVERYTHING that has common sense written on it.

Except, maybe..... for that Barney dinosaur thingy on TV.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER.......

So I have to take my daughter out to buy a birthday present for a party she's invited to on Sunday afternoon. Luckily she has decided right away that it's a Webkinz she wants to give (what is it with these things?). That's lucky for me cause now I don't have to fight the emerging spring break traffic and bounce between ten or so stores trying to decide what she wants to take as a gift. I would usually opt for something at the Dollar Store during these trying economical times, but social standings do happen in second grade, so the mock Barbie for a dollar is out of the question. So off to the mall we go fighting the "I just got out of church and have to make it to the Golden Corral buffet first" traffic instead.

On the way, I have to stop by Petland because our poor dwarf hamster, Nutmeg, has a terrible case of constipation. Her little tummy is so swollen that she looks as if she ate one strawberry to many. Which I am having to feed her since this is what the online vets recommend. See, we had to replace her wheel because the last one was made of that cheap plastic and it broke while wrangling the cage apart in order to clean it one day. Unbeknowing to us, she couldn't run on the new wire wheel because her little feet kept falling between the pieces of wire. Thus, Nutmeg gave up exercising on her wheel all together. Well, this has led to her very bad bout of constipation which has given me even more of a reality check on the importance of exercising. Poor little baby. So I have to find her a wheel that will accommodate her tiny paws before she completely blows up and I get busted for some kind of animal cruelty.

Upon arriving at Petland, I'm thinking some special party is going on because the place is PACKED. But it's not a party they're giving, they have just lifted the lids off of every animal cage/aquarium and it's a free-for-all pet handling soiree! The puppies are yipping, the birds are squawking, and every child there is running around with some sort of rodent in hand screaming "Mommie - buy him, buy him, buy him, pleeeezzzz!" My daughter Toni runs to join in the festivities, and she herself is soon running from cage to cage wanting to hold anything that any employee will be willing to lug out of it's secure confines. Thank God the snakes were clear out of sight!

I'm navigating myself toward the hamster gear while keeping a clear and careful watch on Toni. Luckily the perfect wheel is just staring me in the face with a perfect price, so I grab and head back to get Toni. Well, I wind up joining in all the hoop-la cause we all know it's kinda of fun to hold them wild critters. I head straight for the ferret while calling on Toni to follow me. I stick my hand in the glass enclosure and giggle as he tries to crawl up my arm and sniffs at my shirt cuff. Then, "CRUNCH", his freaking incisors (or whatever they have in that mouth of theirs), decide my wrist is a mid-day snack of sorts. I manage to jerk my hand out without causing a scene, and with a smile and grit of teeth, I lead Toni to a "kinder, gentler" cage of rodents.

Meanwhile, there is this barking going on behind me that is rather loud. I turn to see not a dog, but a big red macaw. She's quite fascinating because she has gathered quite a crowd around her as she is refusing to be removed from another customers shoulders. She's taken quite a liking to the fellow and is busy "barking" at a sales associate who is almost yanking the bird of his shoulders. People are busy clicking their phone camera's away hoping for a next great iReport photo-op.

Toni is still skirting from one animal enclosure to another when I finally convince her follow me to the puppies since she has been begging for one since she was three. So we have been having issues deciding on one for our family; these things take TIME! I'm almost dragging the child because she's currently fixated on guinea pigs and attempting to pull one out to hold them. But I manage to redirect her attention to a little Yorkie sitting quietly by himself in an upper cage. Getting her opinion on this thing is about as easy as pulling teeth since she is still whipping that head around to the harried activities behind us in the rodent and bird section. She now wants to hold a parakeet since she sees someone else with one. I finally give in and let her go while I try to make eye contact with a nearby sales associate to giet a price on the puppies now that I see that they are advertised as "on sale" for $200 off.

I'm a bit concerned because I now see signs on each puppy cubicle that offer "100% financing" for a puppy. What have we come to if we are now taking out loans to buy a dog! So I finally get the attention of a "puppy attendant" and ask her what the price of the puppies are.

"It depends on which puppy your interested in", she tells me

"Well, how much is the Yorkie in the upper cubicle", I ask while watching Toni flit back and forth from rabbit to parakeet now.

"The Yorkie was originally 25 - 99, but now he's 23 - 99", she says with that quintessential, retail perky look on her face.

"That DOG is freaking $2400!" I jolt back with my jaw, teeth, tongue, and eyes almost falling into my hamster wheel.

"Yes, he's on SAAAALLLLLLE", she says

I literally started laughing so hysterically loud and hard that the damn macaw started barking at me from across the floor. There stood three sales associates staring at me laughing my ass off, when Toni runs up and excitedly asks "What's so funny mom?"

"Toni, see that dog we were looking at? They want two thousand, four hundred dollars for that dog", I tell her, while still standing beside these three employees and laughing.

"Mom, I don't think we're getting THAT dog today", she intelligently replies.

I walk away while hearing the three employees whisper how they can't understand how I could laugh at such a "reasonable" price for a Yorkie. Excuse me, I can understand Paris "Everyone-knows-I-have-no-brains" Hilton paying that much for a dog, but an average Joe-Blow paying $2400 for a dog that's a little bit bigger than the hamster we have? Isn't that what it use to cost to adopt a HUMAN child at one time? And what about that 100% financing available for adopting the dog? What in hell do they do if you can't pay the money back? How does a place like Petland "repo" a dog? Do they send the repo towing van out to latch that puppy to the back and off goes your baby at $2400 plus 9.5% interest? America has truly lost it's mind!


Anyway, I wind up following Toni back over to the rodent/bird section when a display suddenly catches my eye. It is the absolutely coolest hamster cage I've ever seen. A "must have" if you have these furry little critters in your home; or something like them. It is the newly designed Habitrail Ovo Loft. This is just the coolest thing (didn't I just say that - okay, I'm being redundant here). I'm looking at all the neat little pieces that go with this thing, and how futuristic looking it is, and I'm thinking I'm just gonna have to impulse buy it the sucker. Then I'm feeling tugging at my back right shoulder. "What Toni", I respond thinking that she's wanting to lug me to another enclosure to drag out another critter to pet. More tugging ensues and I whip my head around to see what she wants and there - it - is!

Toni is not tugging on me, that damn macaw is pulling itself up onto my shoulder and by the time I've locked eyes on her, she's proudly sitting on my shoulder. I suddenly realize that Toni will get a HUGE kick out of this so I start calling her over. She by now is whizzing from one animal to another in absolute critter-frenzy that it takes her a few moments to get a fix on what is going on. By the time she does, this scarlet jester is climbing her way to the top of my head. Toni has noticed what's going on by now and is repeating "oh my gosh" so loud that I soon become the main attraction within a 30 foot radius of this circus of a store.

The bird is now perched on top of my hat and tugging at God knows what when one of the employees comes to my rescue. What I can't believe is how heavy this sucker is! She's tugging, I'm balancing, and the employee is trying to pull her off my head. Nothing is working until the employee tells me to try to lower myself to the cage and let her get off there. Well THAT doesn't work and it only starts this bird's constant barking in my ear. The employee finally manages to coax this red demon onto my shoulder where once again she is trying to pull it off and back toward the cage. More barking of resistance and more pulling. I'm deaf and my shirt is left with little dit-dits where her talons were firmly planted in my shoulder.




I reach up to feel where she was tugging and realize the little beast has pulled the button off the top of my Beatles cap. This is a prized baseball cap and I want that button back from that menacing little thief! So the employee attempts to get the button out of the mouth of the bird. This thing is having nothing to do with. She has the button and she ain't giving it up! This is a hard-to-find ball cap, and if I have to wrestle that bird to the ground to get my button back, well then bring-it-on!

The employee starts sticking some plastic rectangle thingy in this bird's mouth to get her to "drop" the button. But this is not working because that barking begins again. So I do the built-in motherly thing; I try to "reason" with the glorified rat with wings as if this damn bird is gonna understand one single thing I say to it!

"Give me the button baby", I sweetly plea as I cup my hand under her beak. She only grasps my hand with her left talon like she wants to play skip-to-my-loo across the store!

"Come on, GIVE me the button sweetie", I beg again, looking like a crazy woman trying to have a rational conversation with a BIRD!

Finally, "mean mommie" comes out - "Listen bird give me the freaking button and give it to me now because I'm a mom of four kids and their is nothing you can dish out that I can't take!" I sternly say to this oversized "parakeet"with an attitude while sternly staring her straight in the eyes. Low and behold, she drops the black fabric part of the button right into the palm of my hand.

Someone claps behind me and I'm fluffing my own feathers cause I'm feeling pretty damn smart that I just succeeded in asserting parental authority over a bird in an overpriced pet store! Never mind that the fabric and metal part of the button is quite a bit mangled, I won and that's the point.

The store employee comes back, with of all things, a stupid ball point pen. What is she gonna do, stab the bird's beak till it drops the other half of my button? She is somewhat impressed that I managed to get the first part of the button from this macaw, but she begins probing the birds mouth for the white part that attaches the button to my cap. As usual, Missy Macaw starts barking again. This "barking" is really beginning to get ON MY NERVES!

"Hush!", I tell her "Now give me the other button bird!" I bark back The employee is still going at it with the pen. Again I get the bird's eye contact. "DROP it!" I say so loudly that it actually turns more heads in my direction. I guess I'm really looking crazy by now because I've got things to do and only a limited time to do them, but I'm publicly arguing with a bird! But I must have really gotten through to Missy Mecaw because out popped the other half of button onto the floor below my feet.

This time a few more clapped. I didn't care, I just picked up the other half and compared it's condition to the first half. As I was standing back up, guess who decided to meet me half-way again. Yeah, Missy Macaw! Just as I was almost standing up, she took the opportune time to hop back onto my shoulder. What does she want, the WHOLE cap now?

I'm actually beginning to get attached to this bird; she's growing on me and sitting on me, and now she wants to "nibble" on my right ear. Toni thinks this is great because it's like her mom is putting on her own personal animal show and she keeps calling me "cool" and stuff like that. When the store employee starts hinting that the bird is really getting attached to me, that's my cue to leave because I hear a massive sales pitch coming. I have no time to be talked into buying this bird; as much as I like her right now, it's not on my list's of "must have's" at the moment. The present for the birthday party is. THE PRESENT - I have got to go! Husband can only last so long by himself with the other kids.

I lean down to encourage Missy Macaw to get back on her perch, and fortunately she cooperates. I make eye contact with her and thank her for giving me back my button. She looks at me then reaches out that left talon and takes my finger once again and gently squeezes it as if to say "your welcome". It is an awesome feeling to make that kind of connection with another animal. I can't even come up with any clever little metaphors or sayings for what that was like. When God hands you a moment like that, it is to be taken in as if one was handed all the answers in the universe - in complete awe.

I never asked how much the bird was because I didn't want to be disappointed at a price I couldn't pay, for a bird I got so attached to so quickly. I was still trying to get over the puppy for $2400, I did not need to pushed over the edge into a heart attack today. I save my health by forking over $22 for a wheel and a new leather collar for Remi and gently nudge Toni out of the store as she's looking back and waving bye bye to our new friend.

"You know what mom?" Toni looks up and asks me.

"What sweetie?"

"This has been the best day ever - I LOVE you!" she exclaims

"We aim to please Toni!", I say while taking a last look at Missy Macaw and reaching up to feel the point on top of my cap where a button once laid. "We aimed to please."