It Was A Dark and Stormy Day Until.......

There's a saying here in Florida: "If you don't like the weather, wait a half an hour and it will change". This morning it was the same old stormy, rainy, gloomy weather we've had for days. We awoke to rain, rain, and more rain. I had resigned myself to the fact that it would be another boring day indoors, so I got the girls together to do a little video taping as Kurt and Julian zoned out again on a new Xbox game.

About the time the kitchen was cleaned and the girls were ready to film each, the storm clouds began to break and sun started peeking through the overcast. It was a sight for sore eyes. The seemingly dark house became bright again.

Change of plans - LET'S GO TO THE BEACH!!

There was a flurry of clothes changing and towel grabbing, and running for the car. Things were happening so fast that I nearly forgot my cameras and Julian almost forgot to save his place on his new video game. Now THAT would have been a disaster when we got home. I cannot live with Julian after he's forgotten to save a game; you'd think somebody had been torturing the damn kid to death. All the moaning and groaning....

Oh, the beach.

Driving to the beach was like an observation of an ant hill after the rain-soaked ground had dried. Suddenly cars and people begin emerging from their deep dark and sandy caves to venture into the light which had seemed all but forgotten; until now. We reached the toll to Pensacola Beach and I guess a lot more had the same idea as we because there were a line of cars waiting to thrust their dollar at the attendant and haul ass to the waves.

Kurt rolled the window up on the dollar bill and had some crafty idea of having the attendant "pull" it out of the window as we drove by. I explained to him the physics of this idea and how it wouldn't work, and he explained to me about light sensitivity and depression and how he needed to get to the beach fast because I was falling victim to it.

Have I been that grumpy?

Upon arriving, it was a beautiful sight. The sun was shining, and the air was crisp and new after the storms chaos had passed. I took in a deep breath of fresh air and realized that Spring was officially here. Kurt kept babbling about everyone taking their shoes till it almost became the main focus of being there.

Soon Kurt and the kids were running down the beach with their arms spread wide, while I ran behind with the stupid video camera trying to film all the excitement. I don't think the video came out very well as the picture was just a big up-down-up-down, blur of sun, water, sand, and bodies.

Back to the iPhone camera.

Nia took no time at all accidentally on purpose, "falling" into the water.

"Oopsie mommy - I tripped!" she says with a big smile

It doesn't matter, I brought extra clothes for just this moment. The poor girl is a three year old bundle of energy that's been confined for days inside a dreary house. "Let her be free", I think to myself.

Then there THEY are. Suddenly entwined in the bunches of seaweed and sand are Portuguese Man-O-War jellyfish. They are actually quite bewitching looking with their shades of cobalt blue that surrounds their bulbous, clear bodies, and long blue tentacles intermingled with the seaweed.

I don't care what pretty colors these thing show up in, they are nasty - nasty I tell you. They look more like blown up condoms laying all over the white sandy beach than they do some exotic sea critter.

Thus begins walking like we entered a forbidden mine field. It wouldn't be so bad except that everyone but me was stung last year by little "regular" jellyfish. This has cause Nadia to be quite paranoid of the beach and its various forms of sea life this past year. She sees jellyfish - she freaks! I am preparing myself for the long moans and whines from her as we start out trekking over the snowy white sands before us.

She isn't saying a word about the jellyfish! "Okay, who are you and where have you taken my daughter", I shockingly think to myself. This is too good to be true. I'm thinking she has finally evolved out of the neurotic phase she acquired last summer over the stinging, bloating beast she so unfortunately had a close encounter with.

OOOKAAAAY! It's gonna be a GREAT summer this year! Maybe this year she will remember that when you see one in the water - move your ass out of the way! That advice goes for my husband (especially when he's holding Nia in the water again), Julian, and Toni. Somehow, I am already blessed with this knowledge.

DUH.......

The sun beams over our heads and as we walk, Kurt and Julian decide to run ahead and take advantage of a beach side jog. The girls and I slowly stroll along while taking notice of little green "thingies" swimming in the miniature lakes left over by rising tides of the storm. There are a great many groups of these tiny green sea life's. I have never seen them before; have NO clue what they are, but they are everywhere, much like the jellyfish are.

Interest of these creatures quickly turn to basking in the sun and playing in the water. Toni and Nia are so full of joy over the simplicities of splashing, jumping, and wading in the emerald colored waters that thoughts of the storms are now meager memories to us all.

I don't care that they are soaking wet from head to toe. They have finally been freed from the bonds of the long winter months. We all have, and.....

IT. IS. HEAVEN TODAY!!!

Spring in Here! AAUUGGHH!!!

Okay, this time of year is my absolutely favorite time of the year, but is also the most dreaded time of the year too. I know, I know, that's an oxymoron of sorts. That's why this time of year drives me crazy. And it doesn't help that I have raging hormones this week either! God, I hate hormones - or is it Spring Fever - doesn't matter! Whatever is happening to me at the moment just plain sucks big banana weanies!

On top of it, the kids have started their Easter Vacation this week. Oh, I'm sorry, did I not speak in a politically correct manner here? Listen, every since I was a kid, it's always been known as Easter Vacation because it falls during Easter. I have a problem with calling my kids vacation from school "Spring Break" because this is originally named for a week for beach-bound college students who spend their time with boobs a blazen, kegs of beer, and lying on the beach half-drunk, half-dead, or both. Therefore, I cannot connect Spring Break with anyone under 18; least of all my kids. So Easter Vacation it is - as it always has been!

Easter Vacation is also the time we parents get to "prepare" ourselves for summer vacation. Call it the.... Summer Endurance Try-Outs. It is that time of year that our kids dish out everything possible in order to see what 2 1/2 months after school is out will bring. The kids are asking themselves:

"Are mom and dad reeeally ready for us this year again? Oh, they look a little worn this year. Let's get em this week! You refuse to clean your room for a couple of days while I look like the 'good' kid - then we'll switch! That'll confuse em good. Oh, by the way, encourage Nia to climb the bookcase and we'll stand back and play dumb! Don't forget, make sure we fight extra hard while cleaning the kitchen after dinner. That should send them over the edge by the end of the week! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"

Let me tell you something, if you think your kids do not sit back and think of deviant behavior to commit against your will, then you've been sniffing too many azaleas this season. I guarantee they sit in school two weeks before Easter Vacation and plan this shit out... in detail!

Combine this with those allergies that you never had as a kid (well, not so bad anyway), but hit you like some karmic two by four come the first freaking day of Spring. I am fine until the buds appear and suddenly I'm feeling like someone has inserted two ice cold, ice pics directly into both sides of my forehead. Add that "curved" ice pic that has been inserted into my left ear and curves itself up to the top of my head. What the hell is that all about!

After about 8-9 Benadryl throughout the day, several acupuncture treatments later, and I am officially whacked out of my head, but the headache still lingers on like a really bad date. My red, sore nose is beginning to resemble W.C. Fields after a case of cheap bourbon, when Nia suddenly brings me some flowers she has just picked from the yard. You know, the ones that seem to always have extra pollen on them at this precise moment in time. Where ARE those stinking Honey Bees when you need them! They're suppose to be taking care of this pollen shit for me!

"SMELL EM Mooooom!" she squeals

"Not now Nia, mommy has a sinus headache", I reply knowing that resistance is futile at this point.

"Smell em mom - smell them NOW!" she says with that same look that my husband gets when the kids fight about doing dishes. I swear she looks like one of those characters from the Starship Voyager series with that wrinkle on the bridge of her nose.

"Okay Nia", I say half-heartedly cause I know I'm gonna be suffering for another day because of this one damn sniff.

I sniff. My nose starts itching. My head hurts a little bit more. And then out of nowhere, the sneeze from hell comes roaring forth and those little multi-colored blossoms become encased with, with..... I'll just say it - SNOT - and LOT'S of it!

"MooooooOOOOOM!" Nia cries. "YOU RUINED MY FLOWERS!!!" she screeches, in that high-pitched tone that just made my eardrums go crack.

I'm feeling the need for another Benadryl as she begins to cry at this once beautiful little bouquet she held, but lays at my feet instead in a slimy, nauseous mass.

Since I have been officially ordained as the fixer of all things physical and emotional in my family from the moment the twins were first conceived, I stumble to my feet and hesitantly walk to the other side of the yard to the cluster of flowers Nia once sat at, and picked from moments ago. This time I pick her a bouquet while firmly gripping my nose with my left hand to avoid any unpleasantries in the process. I cannot hand her a freshly picked bouquet of mucous!

I walk back to her with my measly, and hastily chosen selection of wildflowers from the corner of the yard. She is quietly sitting, legs spread and hair covering her face, on the back porch while squashing ants with her fingertips. She is still sulking over my mishap.

"Nia - will these make it better", I quietly say while pushing aside her hair from her eyes.

Nia looks up at the flowers with those big brown eyes, then at me. She then stands to give me a big hug and whispers "I love you mommy," in my ear.

Yeah, it's a Hallmark moment.

This is about the time that the most inappropriate thing happens: my nose starts this piercing stinging again that signals an impending sneeze coming. I hurriedly give Nia a bunch of kisses and say something about having to go to the bathroom.

It is about the time that I swing open the door to go into the house AT the same time that Julian is attempting to come outside.

AAAAACCCCHHHHHHOOOOO!!!!!!

I let it rip - holding NOTHING back!

Let's just say that Julian and I are now even in the department of "drive your parents crazy during Easter Vacation"!