I'm A Thrift Store and I'm Open For Business!

For the past few days, I've been a serious sea of boxes that literally reach higher than my head while trying to figure what needs to go where and which needs to go to the dump finally. I cannot believe the amount of completely useless junk stuff we carry around as a family.

Is there really a reason the hubs still needs to carry around that forearm exercise thingy that has been sitting in the garage for the past few years collecting dust and cockroach turds?

No, there isn't! He still keeps saying he "needs" and just won't let it go. Then when I press on about it, his comment is "I bought it for you so you could work your arms out."

The guilt trip gets sprinkled in and eventually I give in and pack it with the rest of 10 boxes of crap behind me that really needs to find a landfill as a new home.

Seriously folks! How many 12 inch TV's does one family reeeally need?

Well, apparently we need 2, plus two 32 inch, one 20-something inch, and one 42 inch boob-tube to keep us all occupied because apparently living in the real world is just too damn boring!

There is definitely a problem in this house!

What I need to do is hang a "Thrift Store" sign out on my brand new front lawn and let people pick and choose what they want in order to get this stuff out of here.

Doors open at 9 a.m.! Please bring big wallets and even bigger shopping bags!

You just can't touch the Collector Barbie's, but the the two HUGE bins of naked Barbie's in the first bedroom on the right, are all yours for the cheap. Please, take naked Ken too because frankly, he is just weirding me out with that whole "androgynous" thing going on. Mom's, you know what I'm talking about here. Plus, I never did go for guys with plastic hair either.

The next bedroom behind you is the BoyCave. Please be very careful when you go in as it may look neat, but we all know what can happen once that closet door comes open. I promise I'll spray a whole bottle of Febreze in there before you come in.

Now the other bedroom at the end of the house is prime for the taking. Take it all, I don't care! I'd rather those two girls start all over with a clean slate cause everything now has become an eclectic collection of colorful bubblegum bullshit.....

"Pardon my French! "

How they think that a room that looks like Jackson Pollack himself puked all his buckets of paint on, is a decorators dream, is beyond me. I was trying for a whole Morrocan theme in there, but instead they turned it into this India-meets African Safari-meets pre-teen chaos instead!

I want it all out so I can just start over and see what kind of innovative enclave gets created all over again by Nadia and Toni. Let's see: Asian-meets Russian orthodoxy-meets antique shop - meets pre-teen celebrity idol worship theme.

It all has to do with budding hormones you know.

I'm tired, and I'm tired of packing, unpacking, and reorganizing this cluster of Nomads . I just want the pool finished but ----- Oh! I didn't tell you about that???

We have this pool in the backyard that I discovered needs draining, cleaning, repainting, a surface crack repaired, seams caulked (cause it has these fiberglass panels on the side), and a new filter/pump motor to boot! Can't do anything until that pump motor comes in at the end of this week.

Not a tall order would you say?

Every single stinking day the kids come home from school and ask if the pool is ready. Every single stinking day I tell them - as they are STILL looking at the pool cover on - "No, it's almost done."

Looks like mid next week will be the day they will finally get to strip their oversized, overweight backpacks off, and jump right into that pool with their school clothes still on.

Just hope they've taken all the pens and Sharpies out of their little pockets first.

As I go back to sifting through that same sea of boxes I tried to make disappear today - unsuccessfully of course, feel free to let me know if there is anything in particular you're looking for. Odds are, SOMEbody in this house has hoarded it for some reason or another (not mentioning any names... man I married), like the ugly "tiger" picture that that same unmentioned person seems to think will go with anything in the house.

Oh, and would anyone care for a Justin Bieber poster as well?

Changes in Latitude.... Changes in Attitude

No, I did not recently attend a Jimmy Buffet concert. Just a stinking saying that plopped into my head when I sat down to start writing this. It does fit considering changes have occurred upon moving to a new location.

Well, we're getting settled into our new house here in Auburn sans furniture, just fine. Thank God someone left their small kitchen table and chairs behind or we'd be eating dinner on our new hardwood floors and we all know just how lovely it can be scraping spilt spaghetti sauce on those floors. Especially if it's dried.... ewwwww!

The kids are all happy to be back here and they've found their old friends and are making new ones. Can't say that getting up at 6 a.m., for them has been very joyous since they're all use to sleeping till, like.... 10 in the morning! I've been thinking about going to the local fire department and borrowing that emergency siren for about a week to get the message across that when I say get up, I mean get up now.

Nia has been the worse. Suddenly that child has obtained the worse case of the nasties about getting up and going to school that I have ever seen. Dang! I thought getting Nadia up in the morning was torture, but Nia takes the cake.

For the past few mornings she has thrown the most horrid tantrums. I swear to God, and God can vouch for me on this one; that child turns into Satan the moment I switch that light on and try to wake her.

Not only do I find her at the foot of her bed, but she's formed this fluffy cocoon around herself. and it's like peeling an onion trying to find her. Then when I do, she growls! Oh yes she does - she growls at me. Just like my pre-teen Nadia does.

"Leave me alone!", she screeches

"Time to get up sweeties.", I quietly chime

"I said LEAVE ME ALONE!!", she roars back

"It's time for school sweetie.", I say back while biting my lip cause I'm bracing myself for the green ca-ca to come flying out of her mouth any moment during this pre-Exorcist moment.

"I.... wanna.... SLEEP! I... don't..... wanna..... get..... UP!!! Go AWAY!" she says as the green ca-ca starts seeping from the corners of her *girlish* little mouth.

Then the growling starts and she starts yanking the covers back over her body and rolling herself up in them so I'll have to unpeel her once again.

I walk away to tend to the others as they slowly creep from the dark confines of their rooms and steer them in the direction of the kitchen cause it's a new house and quite frankly, they could get lost and wind up in the back yard in the greenhouse thinking toast and jam are going to be served up there.

Oh yes, it CAN happen in my family!

After prodding and poking, pleading and praying, Nia is finally up and pouting at our somebody left it - but maybe we'll keep it kitchen table. She's now growling at the other three kids as they slurp honey toasted O's into their own sleep stupor state of beings which causes them to slowly move their chairs further and further from her presence.

For once, I would really like to wake to one of those "Brady Bunch" mornings around here!

Luckily, I have managed to get them all dressed, fed, and off to school without anyone being, like.... an hour tardy to class..... yet; and this is JUST the first week.


Now, her curiosity and experimental *phases* have also taken a new turn since moving here.

The other night, her and Toni had finished up their baths and fighting over who was going to get to use mommy's coconut-vanilla lotion afterwards. I was busy cleaning what little I have in the way of furnishings out in the sunroom while I listened to them babble and argue, but finally settle.

It was quiet for a few minutes, but soon Nia came bouncing out into the sunroom saying "Mommy, mommy... LOOK!"

It was a bit dim and I had to look hard at her face, but dog-gone-it, there it was. Or should I say was NOT.

Nia had managed, in the short quiet period of time (and we ALL been warned about that "quiet time"), to reach up and get the hubs (I say with angry eyes), razor - which by the way, he is always yelling at Nadia to keep hers hidden away - and managed to shave her freaking left eyebrow OFF!

Nia was proud - I screamed - Nia soon realized it was an "Uh, Oh" moment and sank to the floor in front of me as I stood up to run to the bathroom to see where Nadia's razor was (thinking it was hers), but soon found the hubs razor in plain sight on the side of the sink.

It was blue, Julian is too young yet to shave and Nadia use's pink razors.

He's dead!

I called him on the phone as he was out getting yet more milk the kids seem to think we have an endless supply of these days. While I had him on the phone, I dropped the wonderful news on him and made sure he knew it was his fault.

Bad Daddy! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad daddy!

I reminded him of all the things that could have gone wrong like her shaving her eyeball off into the sink, or her eyelid as well; or the many ways she could have shaved various bald spots on her head and we would have to break down and buy a Hannah Montana wig for her to wear in kindergarten for the next few months.

Then I politely asked him to also pick up two eyebrow pencils in light and dark brown so I could fake a eyebrow for her in the morning as she is now crying on the floor at my feet realizing that she has NO eyebrow and that she now thinks she looks like a hairless alien and won't go to school ever.... again!

Great! Waking up Nia in the morning just got MORE fun!

Now mornings now are filled with straightening hair on my kids that looks like it exploded in the middle of the night, making/packing lunches, color coordinating outfits, and painting eyebrows on!

Her being embarrassed by it all is actually my fault, of course, since I could have been a little more diplomatic about it instead of screaming like Bigfoot himself just walked into the door. Or maybe I should say a naked Bigfoot walked in the door.

I should have done something like say "That's really nice sweetie.", then gone in my own room and passed out cold!

Bad Mommy! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad mommy!

So along with location changes, some of us are and still need some attitude changes.

Nia needs to learn that razors are only for BIG people and that getting up in the morning does not include parental abuse, and I need to learn that screaming is best left to bad B horror flicks with stale popcorn. Either that or when the house is *literally* burning to the ground.

Which reminds me..... I haven't seen any smoke detectors in this house yet.

Moving With Ease... kinda, sorta, in our own round about way

Well, we managed to make to our location here in Auburn, Ala-BAM-a safe and sound, and without mangling each other too much. Luckily, no duct tape was needed in order to maintain order with the younger kids; they seemed to handle everything with ease.

Dang! You should have seen Toni move the 20-shelf bookcase when we asked her.

Bawhahahahahaha!! Gotcha!

Our last day at our old house in Florida did not end without several "hiccups", of course. Somehow, "someone" managed to lose 5 hinges that were needed to hang the cabinets doors back up. That meant me going to Home Depot a half an hour before I was to leave in order to make it to the real estate office before they closed so I could pick up the keys to the house so we wouldn't be sleeping on the front lawn!

I was so exhausted at that point that I managed to buy the wrong hinges. That left the hubs going back to Home Depot about the time I was crossing the state line.

May I also mention that our cat, Chowder, got so freaked out about our moving that he bolted from the house at the precise time he was to be put in his cat carrier.

He's still there. I hear he's hanging with some white cat now as well. We have several neighbors watching out for him and feeding him until the hubs returns to get our belongings out of storage and bring him, and them, here so we can actually sit on something other than pillows when we eat, and possibly send Chowder to a cat therapist after all this.

I did want hardwood floors in our new house, right?

Oh, and the clencher is that all that meat and frozen stuff that the hubs just bought at the ultra-expensive Publix market, got LEFT in the freezer in our old house. The electricity was due to be shut on Friday and I was in a panic to get the twins to get their friends moms over there (since we had to leave the backdoor unlocked because Chowder figured how to get in the house via the fireplace damper), to get it out before it was spoiled. Luckily, our next door neighbors raided our fridge while we were gone, LOL!

Thanks again Christy! Bon Appetit!

I must admit after I said my goodbyes to my daughter's best friend, Emily, and her sister Margaret, I was in complete hysterics for an hour while driving Toni and Nia to Auburn. I really hated leaving my 4th daughter and her family behind. I could tell she didn't want us to leave because her second hug was a very long, very hard one. That is why we decided while on our second round of school shopping today, that we are intent and determined to convince Emily and her family to move here.

Get prepared Christy!!!

The house is great! The location perfect! We are 2-3 blocks from Toni and Nia's school, and Nadia and Julian.... well, they will be taking a bus or either getting up an hour early to walk it! See, there is only one middle school here and it's not next door like the rest.

I guess I'll be hearing those stories from the twins how they had to walk 30 whole minutes in the cold to school.

"Bawhahahahahaha" - I can hear my *depression-era* mother saying as she's rolling on the floor in hysterics.

I love the house - (didn't I say that already?); it's bigger, more space, hardwood floors, and a nice pool in the backyard that looks like it hasn't been cleaned in.... 6 months?

I can't complain though since I am writing this while overlooking my wooded, private backyard that has a wonderful workshed and huge greenhouse, which I plan to take full advantage of very soon. Just as soon as I send eviction notices to the wasps that are currently living in there.

You know what I'll be doing this week before I die of *whinitis* that the kids have contracted since they woke up Friday morning and wanted to go swimming in it. I can't tell what they've been going through since they have literally had NO TV, NO internet, and NO swimming source in...... 3 days.

Frankly, it's a good thing since they discovered what their imaginations were put there to do in the first place. EnterTAIN themselves!

Honestly, I thought I would dread the move back here since we left here to move to Gulf Breeze.

Long story, long, long, long, stupid story!

I have found that this is really a wonderful place that was taken totally for granted when we lived here. The kids are actually very happy to be back, and there is the most AWESOME organic health food store here that is HALF THE PRICE of Whole Foods.

I literally went in today after fighting the masses on the only tax-free shopping day Alabama had, and I kissed EarthFare's floor cause the place is SO stinking awesome!

CHRISTY!! You HAVE to see this place! You HAVE to move here just for the grocery store!

The move was good, the house is great, the amenities that have developed here in the two years since we've been gone are A++, and all-in-all, I can say it was a good decision to come back.

Even though all we have right now are our mattresses, clothes, and a few lounge chairs, plus the fridge full of yummies from Earthfare today; we are happy and excited about what lies ahead here.

Now excuse me while I got chase Toni and Nia down as they think it's a GOOD idea to throw diced peaches at one another.

Just to remind you if you don't already know, Auburn is the home of the Auburn Tigers football team. Just be prepared to hear about that too.

Go War Eagle!!

Life In The Moving Lane...... Better Wear Your Seatbelt Tight!

Life in the moving lane isn't pretty; never has been - never will be. Moving seems to bring out the absolute WORSE in people. That is unless you are fortunate enough to have a moving company, cleaning company, painting company do all for you while you hire a therapist to coach you and the rest of your family through the ordeal!

I thought my own mother was a major hoarder until I finally hired a team of excavators and tore through my oldest daughters room to "purge" the old in order to make room for the more over-priced crap *stuff* I would fill her room with in the new house.

OH.... MA..... GOD!!!!

Nothing prepared me for the stuff that child can hoard at a ripe old age of..... twelve!

I think there is definitely a problem when I child has issues with throwing away candy they obtained from Halloween.... 2 freaking years ago! How do I know it was from 2 years ago? Cause it was the candy WE handed out - THAT'S how I know!

Yes, we mothers have an uncanny ability to remember what we handed out for Halloween like, when our kids were 1! So two years ago is like yesterday to us.

And please explain to me why this same daughter wants to hold onto homework from a math class she completely loathed in 5th grade. She's going into the 7th, so that's another blast-from-the-past of two years ago.

All the while I'm trying to purge and clean her room for the move, she's screaming... literally screaming at me NOT to touch anything.

"Oh excuse me! I didn't know these 'things' were destined for the Smithsonian Institution!"

And exactly HOW long did she plan on holding on to that small box of garbage in the back of her closet that I have been screaming back at her to throw away for a year!

You get the picture.

Now Nia and Toni share a room, and everything in their room has been packed up and put away for the move. That is except for their mattresses, and few toys, and a small collection of clothes they will need during this most neck choking pleasant transition our lives.

Will someone please tell me how two little girls; ages 5 and 9, can completely destroy a room with just a few Barbies, a few clothes/shoes, and some sleeping material.

Well, in my world - if there is a stinking way, those two will find it!

With as little as those two have in their possessions, they managed to completely clutter a room to the point that no one could get through the door, and it looked as if it filled the bedroom halfway up the walls.

I got desperate on this issue. Between the hoarding and the chaos, EVERYTHING got packed up except for bare minimum and I moved all their mattresses into my bedroom and freaking dared them to touch anything in my room!

So far.... so good.

You noticed I'm talking much about my oldest son here as God blessed him with the "Thou shalt keep thy things clean or thy mother will enter thy insane asylum because she can't handle all four children being pigs.", gene.

That poor boy has been running around doing packing, moving, and cleaning along with the hubs and I, while those girls run around beating the crap out of each and fighting over whose piece of broken jewelry they found in the corner of a closet belongs to who!

It's enough to put me IN that insane asylum!

Did I mention that my oldest daughter had her phone lost/stolen less than a week after we bought it for her? No? You know this could only happen in my house you know.

She lost it, and I have spent three hours on Saturday and seven hours today (on top of all the lovely activities I am already involved in), haggling with the "warranty" company that "promised" (Bawhahahhahahaha), to replace said lost/stolen phone.

Well, it didn't exactly go as promised cause the AT&T guy that set up the phone for the hubs entered practically EVERY-BLOODY-THING wrong on the account. This involved me spending two weeks of this past month with an AT&T rep getting a $519 bill down to $190 cause "Mr. Ford" at Planet Wireless Services completely screwed up the hubs existing plan and charged full price for a phone that was suppose to be on a $9.99 Family Talk Plan.

I got the bill straightened out, but then came time to file the claim with the warranty company the hubs signed on with when he got the phone. "Mr. Ford" managed to mess that up as well by NOT entering the credit card info correctly. He *forgot* some numbers (????). When it came time to auto-charge the card for the warranty, it was denied of course. Well that completely screwed two days of my life for his "forgetfulness".

It took four sales reps (including "Mr. Ford"), two very loud and very firm phone conversations from me IN the middle of a store full of customers, nine hours, two days, a half bottle of Pinot Nior somewhere in there, a few attempts at snorting chocolate cause I couldn't eat it fast enough, but finally they decided to honor the claim.

Oh, I forgot to mention that the warranty company wanted a claim filed with the police department for a lost phone. I cannot tell you how many cops were laughing at me at the police department because this warranty company insisted I get a report for a *Lost* phone.

I'm so glad I'm moving now.

By the way; Terry, the manager of Planet Wireless Services, an authorized AT&T retailer (I say with deep sarcasm), was of NO HELP WHAT-SO-EVER.

As I sat there for seven hours today with Megan, a sales rep, he never once offered to help, offer a suggestion, apologize for his STUPID employees incompetence, or tell me where the bathroom was after five cups of coffee finally hit the bladder with a loud ka-THUNK!

Megan started sharing her lunch and snacks as the day went on. She handled it all with a cool calmness and let me do the wigging out for both of us. She was truly a gem through it all. When I went on my rant with the warranty company, she was cheering me on in front of her manager in her quiet demeanor. God I wish I could be her!

It was HER that told Terry that he owned ME something for all my trouble. It was HER who forced the manager to fork over the enrollment fee that I got double billed for. It was HER that forced the manager to give me a free case for the phone that will now be MINE and NOT Nadia's because I have learned my lesson about letting my 12 year old daughter have her own "super cool" purple phone.

I get the super cool purple phone now and she is gonna get a cheap Go Phone where she can pay as she goes and lose if she wants, and I won't ever have to go through this again.

Notice I'm doing a lot of yelling here because you know my history with cell phone companies, LOL! They just drive me nuts, and right now is not a good time to drive me nuttier than I already am.

Well, I still have a few kitchen cabinet doors that need a final coat put on them. Tomorrow I'll be sanitizing and vacuuming till what brain cells I have left fall out of my ears, and my sinuses are extra full of dust bunnies leaving me to sneeze what brains I will have left after all this.

Next time we meet, it will be from the greater state of Ala-BAM-a.

"Pack Em Up and Move Em Out Boys"

The past few weeks have been hectic to say the least. I have been missing in action on my blog, and a virtual basket case at home of late.

See we are in the process of packing up and moving from the Gulf Coast of Florida.

Some would ask and assume that we are leaving because of the oil spill. That is not entirely the reason, but it was the catalyst that sent me in the direction to make the decision to finally leave this place.

The biggest reason was financial.

We've been here in the Pensacola, Florida area for a little over 2 years now. It's a beautiful area, but it wears the tired cloth of economic hardship that has been here since Hurricane Ivan struck in 2004; Hurricane Katrina filled its leftover spaces full of Louisiana refugees, and the Great Economic Recession took what was left over for the kill.

Let's not forget about the "Good Ole Boys" who refuse to allow this area to change for *what-E-ver* the reason.

Then that freaking oil spill hit! Talk about insult to an already injured area!

The struggle to stay and make a living in this area has been hard indeed. It has cause an immense amount of personal and family suffering which I personally, no longer wish to put me and my family through.

Kids are resilient, but they suffer in silence in times like these.

So I have a 2 year rule of survival: "If we're are not making it at or better than what we were before after 2 years, then it's time to leave and cut our losses."

Our losses were great here. Because of the economic recession, all of our savings were exhausted and we have been living basically from day to day trying to make it work down here. I cannot even begin to tell you what it has all done to my marriage, my family, and just getting by on a day-to-day level. My mother has heard more than enough tears from me about it. I finally gave her ears a rest and just kept quiet and dealt with it.

When we moved here, we were under the "assumption" that this area was growing and would be a great place to raise the kids, retire, blah, blah, blah. Just 3 months after moving here, I began to really look around and say "uh-oh".

We drove through neighborhood after neighborhood in Pensacola looking for areas that were still freaking alive thriving. Block after block were business and homes that looked either severely worn out or abandoned all together. The only area(s) "thriving" that we could see were the downtown (barely), and where the mall stood.

This, combined with the severely disappointing Mason-Dixon survey that some citizens of Pensacola had to pay for out of their own pocket to find out what the city jackasses "leaders" didn't want to face, and the fact that Nadia and I had to escape out the emergency exit of Old Navy at the Pensacola Mall one hot day in August under gunfire that erupted due to some STUPID argument that erupted at the Food Court; wasn't leaving me a beginning good taste in my palate for this area.

It was months before I left the confines of my sleepy little community of Gulf Breeze. Which, by the way, I rarely ventured out of in these past few years except for the recent return to school in May and a few excursions to the Gulf Shores area of Ala-BAM-a.

I justified everything because we had the beach to sooth any feelings of remorse or regret about this area.

Until the recent BP oil spill bloody screwed that up too!

To say that we have struggled for the past few years here is an understatement. The only reason we haven't left sooner was because of the kids and their love for the area. Nadia has found a most valued friend in our next door neighbors family; Emily. From the day we pulled up the moving truck here, they have been locked together. Emily and her sisters have truly been the best thing that ever happened to Nadia. Moving her away from them has been a heart-wrenching, tear-filled decision for me. I don't know if Nadia will ever know how much my heart breaks for them both.

I literally have had to choose whether to feed the family, or keep them together. Yes, the finances are that bad! Even though, I have vowed to keep them connected in some way, some how. I am in the process of creating a photo book to give to each of them that includes poems and photos of the past 2 years of them together. I am hoping that since Emily's grandparents live close to where we will be, that that connection will remain intact in the years to come.

My own love for this area is not insignificant either. I have been my most depressed here, but out if it, I have been forced to grow in areas of my life I didn't think possible at this age.

I started this blog as a result of the depression I was undergoing, and I found a lot of family and friends on Facebook because of it. I reconnect with my estranged older brother, and found my best friend I had been looking for for the past 17 years. My faith and trust in God was made stronger from the influence of these family and friends. I will have to thank my cousin Larry Conger on the latter because God used him to touch me in ways that I cannot describe here.

All of these in combination, saved my life and my sanity in more ways than I can count and be thankful for.

As my Sista in Arizona forever reminds me: "Things always happen for a reason."

Okay, here come the freaking tears now!


So living here was not a "total loss". Things were lost, but others were gained in the process.

As I wrap my arms around my family, I make this move in a few weeks knowing that still have challenges yet to face, but have been made stronger in order to tackle them one by one.

Good-bye Gulf Breeze, FL - I shall always miss what you are, and what you could have been.

Dealing With Life and Hormones...... Again

So I've pretty much been on a writing hiatus for a little over a week. I have been stuck in my hormonal zone again. You think after all these years that the hormones would let up after a certain age.

But NoooooooOOOOOoooooo!

Somewhere in the 40-something range, they decide to kick in for one last hurrah that last for another several years until..... BAM, everything stops and you age about 15 years overnight. By that time if some random body part has not sagged to your ankles yet, then this is the time that it does. Whoever coined the stupid phrase that your forties are the new thirties must have been male or either had every crucial female part surgically removed before they were 30.

I like the fact that I have to still deal with everyday life while a rather large black cloud follows me everywhere I go. I have fallen way below being pessimistic during this time. To me, it feels like the world will literally blow up in a matter of hours. This is why I no longer watch the news. Hell, I was bawling like a girlie man while watching the complete unravelling of a somewhat happy family on "Jon and Kate Plus Eight", the other night. I went into my bathroom afterwards and continued to cry while managing to balance on the edge of the tub, cause my balance just sucks these days.

Of course my absolutely wonderful kids are following me around constantly asking if I'm alright and if they can do anything for me. "Yes!", I say. "Remove these stinking hormones from my body!", I plea. You know I am completely stupid if I am asking my kids to remotely understand anything to do with hormones. In fact, I'm scaring the shit out of my soon-to-be 12 year old daughter. She completely loathes what's in store for her no matter how much I try to make a joke of the fact that mini/maxi pads always feel like your walking around with a wad of toiled paper strapped to your hoo-hoo.

But regardless of what is happening with me and the chemical cocktail oozing throughout every cell in my body; there is a life to live here. Not just mine, but five others in the house as well. This is why the other cliche' "Supermom" came about. It was a mother's ability to still raise a family while her natural body functions were completely out of control every month for one to two weeks at a time. Let's see some male - any male - do THAT!

So on my to-do list is getting the twins ready for sixth grade when they haven't even finished fifth yet. Does this sound as crazy as my hormones or what!? I have to attend a meeting at the middle school when I would rather be dressed in my sweats and making mounds of homemade macaroni and cheese and eating it in my closet. I get dressed up and muster up some excitement to hear about what they'll be involved with next year. My little babies are so growing up way too fast.

Well, add black cloud number two to my life as I sneak into the back after being so fashionably late (husband was late coming in from work). For the next hour I become consumed with budget cuts, teacher cuts, program cuts, club cuts, the fact that there is only one art teacher left for 200+ students, and the states top rated band instructor is retiring and "hopefully" there will be someone who can pick up where she's left off.

I feel like an ostrich that wants to stick their head in the closest sandpit in order to hide from all this. I was really disappointed until I saw my next door neighbor and she said that they were actually not going to loose that much. Apparently, budget loss went from $10 million to $2 million, and no one thought to inform anyone conducting the meeting about this very large change.

I see a little ray of sunshine emerge suddenly.

I was all set to pull the kids out of school and start them on a vigorous routine of homeschooling until I saw her. Common sense finally kicked in as I decided to wait it out a bit before jumping into something so completely NUTS at this point of my life!

But then the next few days become nothing more than making lists for what the kids need for school in August. WAIT! What happened to summer vacation? It hasn't even started and I'm making school supply lists for the 2009-2010 school year. There are school supplies to buy, gym clothes to purchase, and band instruments. Oh, didn't I tell you that part. The twins want to take band. Luckily, I prepared for Nadia and bought her a flute a couple of years ago. But Julian wants to play the Tenor Saxophone, so I'm suppose to cough up $1800 stinking dollars as if I just happen to have it laying around in my gold plated freaking bathroom with diamond encrusted faucets!

"It will only cost you $80 for the rest of your son's memorable middle school years for this wonderful musical instrument.", the music store director tells me.

"Does it lay magical golden eggs that I can sell in order to feed my family if he gets it?", I ask the goofy smiling musical store director with hedgehog-like hair.

This is why people become stinking alcoholics!!

On top of it all, the husband decides we need to move to Montgomery. I laughed so hard on the phone that my chair slips out from under me (yes, it's on wheels), and I fall off to the right, knocking the trash can over in the process. Nia thinks I've finally emerged from my hormonal stage and is playing some game in which she joins in and starts tossing wadded pieces of paper in the air.

"Play mommy, let's plaaaay!", she squeals as she's bouncing around the room as paper is flying everywhere. Mommy is laying in the floor still laughing while her bladder, completely uselss after birthing four watermelons, is about to burst.

He's serious though, because the economy in this area is in reeeeeeally bad shape. 12 major restaurants closing, countless other food and retail establishments closing or already closed, and an economy whose main industry is construction - and we know that no one is building diddily these days! No one is hiring; everyone is laying off, so starting up a new business is.... well, quite challenging at the least. He figures it's best to throw in the towel and move closer to what he's already got going.

Suddenly, an extreme burst of anger emerges from me. It is so strong that the raging hormones go fleeing to..... well, wherever they go. I'm no longer hormonal, I am flat out pissed! He wants me to give an answer in about 30 seconds flat, about moving. I begin to remark my objections and he comes out with something stupid like "You're being so neeegaaaative!"

Negative this - I hung up on him and refused to answer his phone calls for the rest of the day. I fumed, I paced, I cried (again - I know, it's getting old), I ranted, then I finally sat down and decided to write him a long email:

Dear Husband,

No! We are NOT moving. Get over it!

Sincerely,

Your Wife

So today, everything is great. I'm getting my raised box gardens together. Went on a fabulous bike ride this morning with Nia. The sun is shining and the breeze is blowing through the old moss covered oaks that line our streets. The air smells fresh of salt from the sea.

Nia is busy separating pennies from dimes, from nickels in the floor beside me and I can breathe a sign of relief that we're staying put and my life will be normal until..... 28 days from now.