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Showing posts with label Xbox Live. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Xbox Live. Show all posts

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Game Of Life


So the house has still been absolutely nuts for the past few weeks. Nia is starting to come out of her "sick" phase. I took her to the doctor last week and found out that those little fire ant bites were actually a spider bite; we assume from a Wolf Spider by the symptoms she was exhibiting.


Poor thing! She's had it rough this past month.


To top it all off, she has a double ear infection - one which I knew about - the other completely shocked me. The child can't hear a dad-burn thing these days. We walk around the house like were talking to a 90 year old woman who keeps having to turn her hearing aid up to hear, "Wanna Cookie!".


THAT'S how you test the true hearing of a child. If you ever suspect your child is "faking" an ear problem; just whisper "Wanna cookie", or "Want some chocolate!", in a low voice and see how well they hear.


Trust me - it works EVERY time!


In this case, Nia is nearly deaf! When I have to yell if she wants dessert and she's only five feet away; she's deaf! Temporarily thank goodness cause all this yelling is giving me those dreaded migraines which I have become so pissed off about fond of lately.


Have we talked about the separation of late? Oh, we haven't! That's cause it's moving in extra slow motion these days! He moved his business equipment out so that he could start working in a town nearby. NOW he is finding "excuses" on how he doesn't think that is going to work out and he's only been at for 2 weeks now.


But he sure does have a serious ongoing working relationship with Julian's Xbox Live these days. He'd be a millionaire if he got a penny for every hour he spends on that thing of late. Put it this way, my son is hiding the power cord when he goes to school because it's getting so bad.


That gets PRETTY bad when the child suddenly becomes the parent of video game usage!


This was the conversation between the two of them this morning:


"Dad! You left the Xbox on all night again!"


"No I didn't - I turned it off."


"Noooo you didn't cause I just turned it off. The thing is so hot it feels like it's been on the stove all night."


"Oops!"


"If you don't start turning that thing off at night, you're gonna burn out my hard drive and we don't have the money to replace it because of your irresponsibility!"


Remember! This is my SON talking to the sperm donor.


"I'm a Bad Daddy!", he says as he starts shrinking in his seat.


"I'm gonna have to start limiting your time on that thing if you can't remember to take care of it!"


Julian proceeds to turn around, stomp out of the room, and slam the door.


I just give the hubs a long, hard, cold, "You will sleep with the outdoor critters instead of on the sofa if you break my son's Xbox", stare. He asked for it!


So instead I began my focus on the plumber coming today to fix Julian's shower; it won't turn on and the hot water won't turn off. That led to a $50 increase in my electric bill last month. I'm so glad I was told after the bill came in that there was a problem.


I wondered why Julian kept taking showers in Nadia's bathroom. I thought he was.... well.... nevermind.


The art of communication completely sucks in this household sometimes.


He's here right now contemplating whether or not the shower pipe is leaking water behind the wall. Well at least we'll find out before the tiles come busting out on the Xbox Live addict taking a bath in there.


Actually, that would be great on video! Maybe I could turn THAT into a video game he could zone out on!


Speaking of games; it's amazing all the time one can waste on Farmville when kids are busy being sick. There does come a point in a parents life when doing constant laundry, and making special "sick" meals becomes an absolute drag! One must find an outlet.


Since the weather has been *uncommonly* cold (that's how the weatherperson put it one day), playing outdoors, or biking, has come... well... is basically non-existent in this household.


Again, this family would NEVER make it in Minnesota!


So with sick kids stuck inside most of the time for the past month, I'm sick of the TV except when 24 or Bill Maher comes on; I have gravitated to working my online farm. I'm working on the vineyards now:




I know, I know; I'm an adult and should be doing better things with my time. Call it my creative outlet and it has lead to a renewed interest in my backyard.


As the hubs so eloquently put it last night; he's into killing stuff and I'm into growing and nurturing stuff.


So my online obsession led me to rip up the whole right side of my backyard of old plants and new-growth trees whose roots are determined to invade my yard from the neighbors. What I thought would take 15 minutes, instead took me over two sweaty hours of pulling, raking, and bagging of yard ca-ca.


Boy did I smell! How my pheromones in my sweat started smelling like cat spray at this age I'll never know! I definitely WON'T be attracting any hot dates any time soon!


After finishing the yard, making two dozen of what I call my "One Cup Cookies", in which only eight are left after sharing with the neighbors and various family members sneaking them all through the night - I'm getting ready to make another two dozen after the plumber leaves.


I think I can finish off a dozen before the kids get home and proceed to devour the rest!


As I see it, the weather is finally getting back to normal, biking is in my near future, Farmville is about to get deserted, so I'll working off all those cookies during gardening and peddling. No remote control needed!


Oh, and while I'm taking my new Zumba classes I signed up for yesterday (because I just found out what they are and think they are the coolest!); will someone - ANYONE - make sure the sperm donor turns off Julian's Xbox while I'm out?

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Sick Kids and Sucky Language

It's been hard for me to get back to writing because for the past three weeks, I've been dealing with one sick kid after another; and I have four you know! Between Nia and Nadia, I've been keeping our neighborhood pharmacy busy of late. They're actually calling me on a daily basis and asking if I need something.


Nia had decided to catch everything coming and going so as to get all over with in one quick swoop for the year. The girl is goal oriented at four! Her pre-k teachers are wondering if she's a early drop out statistic because she's missed so many days. Her latest bout is an extremely painful lymph node under her right arm that sent her into fever and puking mode again. She's fine today though.


I cannot tell you how much laundry I've done, and re-done, over the past three weeks. The water bill is going to be astronomical this month! We won't even go into the amount of disinfectant wipes I've been through. I've hit OCD status again!


I have seemed to met my quota of chocolate consumption this year as I have been holed up in this house tending to all these sick kids for three weeks, and with sucky cold weather to boot. NO ONE will step foot out the door in this stuff. We would never make it in Minnesota - we're such wimps!


I have decided that once the weather warms up and the kids are back to being themselves again, I see a long bike ride to California and back in my future! I need some space and time to myself, and a chance to wear those new Miss Sixty shoes I pined away for for a few years cause wearing them around the house just ain't the same as donning them out in public!


Ever held a puking kids head while wearing $167.00 shoes!



Then there is the issue of what I learned that my son and the sperm donor have been learning via the Xbox Live of late - a game called Nazi Zombies to be exact.


Yeah, he and I are still separating; it's just gonna be the longest separation in known history!


But back to the Xbox Live thing. If your kid is eight years old and is "allowed" to have that Xbox 360 in his own room; I guarantee it is that same eight year old that I hear on the microphone cussing his freaking brains out while playing Nazi Zombies online.


If you think your kids are learning sex ed in school - think again! If they play Xbox Live in the "privacy" of their bedrooms, then they are discussing about M.I.L.F., (email me if you are in the dark about this acronym and I'll fill you in!), and the how's and why's of what they'd like to do!


I had NO idea that eight year old boys knew SO much! It was enough to make the hubs blush one night and stop playing at 2:30 in the morning!


THIS is why the Xbox is under my thumb, and 10 feet away from my supervision when Julian is playing. At one point he blurted out "You Suck!", while playing. Momma whipped her head around and gave the boy a look that said "You say that again and you'll find your lips attached to the vacuum cleaner hose as I turn it on high!"


It was either that or it was gonna be a re-enactment in my bathroom of Ralphie from "A Christmas Story" sucking down Lifebuoy after unloading the F-bomb on his dad.


Julian prefers games like Modern Warfare II or Call of Duty cause he became interested in WWII stuff after learning about his great grandfathers participation in this historical war.


It's the significant other who seems to be "addicted" (till wee hours of the morning), to this Nazi Zombie game. It seems the later at night that it is played, the worse the language becomes from the young boys he plays with. He pretends to be a little kids and I have to laugh hysterically while he mimics being a 12 year old so as not to freak the other kids out.


But I've heard these kids - he put the earphones on me one night so I could hear it for myself.


OH. MY. GOD!!!!!



All the strides towards anti-racism, tolerance, compassion, anti-homophobia has COMPLETELY fallen on deaf ears with the kids on this game. If I repeated even one little string of what I've heard, I would be thrown off the internet for life!


So parents: IF you have your child's Xbox 360 in their room and they are playing online games - GET IT OUT NOW!! Because every bit of your parental authority and guidance is going down the tubes if you don't.


Right now, I have Julian beside me as he's playing, and I can hear everything he says and what the other person says. If I don't like it, the plug is right next to me as well and it's real easy to pull that sucker from where I sit!


THAT'S my parental authority in action!


My sister-n-law DID NOT raise me to be a stupid parent!


So after three weeks of sick kids and hearing sucky language so bad that it would even make God's ears bleed, I'm reading to find a cave somewhere at the beach and hide in until...... June!


Unfortunately, I do not live where there are caves at this beach. I'm on the wrong side of the country! At a time like this.... it figures.


Today, though, I'm hoping for a little time out of the house with the one kid that hasn't come down with some mysterious malady. Toni and I are going to hop in the van and see where life takes us this afternoon.


When we get to California, I'll call home to see how everyone else is doing!

Monday, January 18, 2010

My Sanity Was Saved By Jack Bauer and a Almond Joy


I woke up from a short nap this afternoon only to be faced with one of the most pressing emergencies my family has ever faced in its' entire 12 year existence:


Our modem connecting 3 computers and Xbox Live exploded!



Yes, it was a big deal; I nearly called 911! Julian was in near tears as he thought his new acquired Xbox Live account had been shut completely off and he was no longer going to be talking WWII strategy with another unknown 12 year video game addict from Timbuktu.


Yes, there IS such a place and it's in northern Mali with a population of 20,000 people (according to my iMac dictionary), and one of those kids is no longer going to be able to shoot down Nazi's and Japanese Kamikaze pilots with my son thanks to the stupid modem.


Nadia was running around doing her "I can't get on the computer" mantra; Toni and Nia were in tears because they couldn't access Barbie Dress Up Games at any point in the near future.


Forget WWII strategy, I couldn't access my blog, or Twitter; God-forbid, I cannot get on Facebook!!


Severe sweating and panic suddenly rush through my entire body at the thought that I cannot communicate with anyone other than a 50-something neurotic alien that I married, AND 4 other pod people under the age of 18 for the next 12 hours.


I begin to cry!


I immediately go into *reset modem* mode:


  • Unplug modem power cord
  • Unplug cable
  • Unplug router
  • Count to 30 s-l-o-w-l-y


PRAY - PRAY VERY, VERY HARD!


  • Plug in modem cord
  • Wait for power light to come on
  • Plug in cable cord
  • Wait for light to come on that tells me that I am "connecting" to actual human beings throughout the world!
  • Plug router back in
  • Wait again for stupid blue light to go on on the router that says I can officially "communicate" to said human beings throughout the world!


Everything looks good, all should work, but when I head to my iMac and hit the *Home* button on Safari - not a damn thing happens except:


"Sorry, YOU... CAN'T... TALK... TO.... ANYBODY!!!!"


"HAA.... HAA.... HAA... HAA... HAA!!!"

(A very, very evil laughing sound is coming from

my computers speakers system)




I repeat this whole process about five times before I finally break down to call technical service help at MediaCom to have them reset and ping the modem from their side.


This unplugging and resetting over and over with them goes on so long that I eventually have to take a pee break. I am still hoping that she never heard the toilet flush while telling her I was still waiting for the "Send" and "Received" lights to come on.


Nothing worked! I begin to cry once more as the customer service lady informs me that, "A service technician will have to bring you a new modem TO-MOR-ROW".


EEKKK - gasp - fall on the floor and go into convulsions!


Uh, does this woman realize that I have "work" to do on my computer? That I have a farm to harvest on Farmville cause all my crops are gonna die if I don't, and I won't get to that next level so that I can plant LILIES by Spring Break?


I have people to tweet and family/friends to gossip share important business with? THAT the kids have Farmville, PetVille, YoVille, Barbie Dress Up Games, and I think, a Multiplication game to work on?


I mean, we DO have our priorities around here!


Apparently that does nothing to persuade my customer service helper person to get that internet techno guy out to my house el pronto before my family starts hitting computer DT level.


Maybe I sure refer to my earlier post regarding reconnecting with my family.


Nah! I need that modem NOW!


So I begin searching a box that the hubs keeps full (I mean really full), of unused computer cords, cables, and AH HAH; an old modem. This sucker is six years old, but it's an modem and it should work, right? So I connect it, reset it, unplug, reset, unplug, reset, unplug, reset, UNPLUG, RESET, BANG ON MY KEYBOARD SEVERAL HUNDRED TIMES and..... it still doesn't work. So I call MediaCom in hysterics this time to get them to re-ping my modem. Which I should have done before I managed to bang the letter "P" off my keyboard.


I see "Computer Anger Management" classes in my near future.


Long story short (yeah... right), they ping it, it still didn't work until I/we figure out that I have to PAY ATTENTION to the screen on my browser from MediaCom (which is only thing that did manage to come up), that says to re-enter my account and registration code so that THEY know that the modem I am using is actually connected to ME.!


Well... DUH! Chalk this up to one of my blonde - turning grey - highlighted with Sun-In - moments!


I do all that and finally I am up and running on the net at a speed that is five times slower than dial-up connection which leaves me actually sleeping at the monitor while something - ANYTHING - loads up.


It took over five minutes for my email to download. Facebook took well over 10 minutes to get up and running, and Farmville; well, after about 20 minutes of trying to get it to load up, I gave up instead. Guess this is a good time to brace myself for a bunch of dead crops! I don't think I'll mention any of this to the kids until they actually have to log on sometime tomorrow night!


I told you it was an old modem.


So I decided to write this post instead. Lucky You!


My only saving grace tonight, though, is a man named Jack Bauer and his glorious colleagues on "24". I spent at least 2 hours with him which, fortunately, took my mind completely off the fact that Farmville never actually came online and everything is most likely dead, plus my cows and chickens have probably been cannibalising on each other as well.


Nadia actually asked me before dinner, "If I can't get on the computer, WHAT is there to do?" I gave her a list:


  • Read a book
  • Call a friend
  • Watch TV
  • Vacuum your room
  • Play the Wii with the girls


All I got is: "MooooOOOOoooom, that is sooo boring!"


If this has been a test on my ability to withstand my addiction to the internet; I have completely failed and Bauer would have personally shot me kicked my ass off his team.


At this point, all I can say is THANK YOU GOD for Almond Joys!




Disclaimer: Almond Joy never gave/paid me crap for mentioning their name in this posting.
For that matter.... neither did Jack Bauer - but I still love him!