Thursday, December 17, 2009

Kids Are Watching Everything - Even When They Are Ignoring You

So I'm writing to you today as I'm nursing/over medicating a cold, so if I sound a little nasal, or delirious, it's because I'm on a Robitussin, Benadryl, NyQuil, Lexapro trip right now - bear with me - and let us all thank GOD all the kids are in school. Sometimes I think that when I feel like this, no one in this house has a clue what I'm going through.

I'm suspecting that one of my kids gave this to me cause they've taking turns coughing and hacking since Halloween. Or, it was quite possibly a stranger that I passed by during one of those gotta get before Christmas moments where a thousand people are crammed into a ten square foot space and clawing one another for the hottest Christmas present while growling a "Merry Christmas to you TOO", between clenched teeth.

MIne would have to be the Rockstar So Chic Stylin Salon Makeover Vanity that I was vying for because Nia has been reminding me three times a day for the past two months, that she wants this from Santa. Everybody else was fighting over fake hamsters, a.k.a., Zhu Zhu Pets; one of which, Mr. Squiggles, was recalled already.

"I'm sorry Johnny, Mr. Squiggles has to go to the vet cause he's sick already. Must have been the high altitude in Santa's sleigh."


"I'm sorry Johnny, Mr. Squiggles had to be put to sleep. He's with his Zhu Zhu buddies in heaven now."

Kids whole existence has now been altered because a furry fake hamsters made in China had to be euthanized before he could let it run through the tubes of his fake hamster home. This is why I pray that the kids don't go for the "hottest toy for Christmas" bullshit. So far, I've been lucky.

Okay, BACK to the present here!

After all this holiday hysteria, the head feels like someone stuffed a bag and a half of cotton balls up my nose, and the lungs feel like a gallon of sludge (eww gross), is rumbling around in them, my ears are popping so much that it sounds like cap guns going off in my head constantly, and I'm expected to breath and function as a normal mom:

cough* *cough,
*sneeze* *sneeze*
*blow* *blow*
*grab NyQuil and gulp*
*fall on the floor and don't get up till New Year's Day!*

It all really came to a boil when I had to spend four hours at the bank on Monday because the sperm donor I married completely screwed up that bank account several months ago, and I've been trying to get it fixed every since. I thought it was fixed soon after the "screw up", but then I found myself ON MY BIRTHDAY dragging myself down to the main branch for two hours, and then on the phone till after noon getting it fixed.

Which of course they reassured me that it was - several times - but actually, it wasn't!

So Monday I went in again and it took Ms. Willie (which was her first name and NOT her last name, and I couldn't really get too hostile with a person who's mom was STUPID enough to name her daughter Willie), almost an hour before she could actually get it that the bank was in error this time.

After all the millions/billions/trillions of dollars we taxpayers have unwillingly doled out to the banking system in this country, it completely amazes me that we are still getting penalized by the very industry we helped to bail out. I was actually being told to prove that I didn't have a loan with this bank that they took a loan payment out for!

I was getting upset and apparently this was making Ms. Willie so nervous that she thought it would be best if she took a five minute break from me. That's my father coming out in me - either that or the uncontrollable twitching that my eye was going through now, because I just couldn't get her to see what I was seeing.

It literally took me bursting out in blubbering tears and laying my head on her desk in sobs before she finally had that light bulb moment and said: "Something doesn't look right here." , she says in her best, somewhat broken, English.

Well "DUH!", I'm thinking as she's handing me the box of tissues and rolling up her pant legs in preparation for the flood because so much tears and snot are flowing from my head at this moment. My head is spinning, my nose is stuffing up, it's getting hot in that office, and there is no quick end in sight for this situation.

I sit quietly, except for the sniffles and ruffles of several tissues in my hands. Ms. Willie starts making phones calls to this and that department. My head is also exploding with so much anger towards the sperm donor who's sitting at home right now, that I start developing this uncontrollable muscle spasm in my left thumb that now makes me look like I'm constantly making a hand puppet. All I'm missing is a marker to make a couple of eyes and a pair of lips and I'll have this sucker literally talking to me cause I'm beginning to feel a little crazy between the bank, the sperm donor, the eye twitching, and the hand puppet wanna-be happening now.

I sit on my left hand in hopes that it will stop, but it gets worse so now I look like I have this little hop happening as I sit there. Ms. Willie keeps giving me that "are you gonna go postal on me" look as she looking at the computer and taking calls between three different departments now about my account.

Next thing I know, she/they/whoever they are are putting all the money back into my account that the bank took out; and they're doing it rather quickly.

Damn! This crazy person stuff actually gets you somewhere!

So I start asking what are all these charges that the bank took out besides the "loan payment". "Well, these are all for our GL so we know what they are.", she replies.

"Well that's great, but I don't know what they are, so can you explain them to me?", I politely try to ask, hoping she doesn't notice my sinuses now draining all over my upper lip at this moment.


She goes back to looking at my paperwork, then looking at the computer, then telling me it's a GL entry, but she still canNOT tell ME what these charges are actually for. All I know is that they are putting the money back in as fast as they can.

"Can I take your number and call you back to tell you what they mean?"

They have no FREAKING idea what they did that resulted in two checks bouncing and a couple of nasty legal letters being mailed to my doorstep.

Doesn't matter now; the bank returned my funds, they're fixing it, they're typing out apology letters, but my head is completely clogged now with snot that formed over my bawling on the desktop, and I my whole body is twitching and jerking from a stress-induced adrenaline rush that has no end in sight.

All I say to the sperm donor when I get home is: "Don't even THINK of talking to me about this right now!"

I had the twitches and jerks still when the kids came home from school. Nadia is very intuitive about situations like this, so she steers me in the direction of my bathroom and runs me a very hot bath, gives me a hug and closes the door behind her. I crawl into a ball amongst the steaming hot water and let the bath salts permeate my stuffy nose.

I am soon joined by the four year old midget who simply picks up the wash cloth and starts washing my back while humming a soft tune to herself. There are still no words exchanged as Toni quietly opens the door and lays my pajamas on the sink beside me and gets my toothbrush and lotion ready for when I get out. She flashes me a quick smile and blows a kiss as she exits while Nia is still drizzling hot water over my shoulders.

Quietly Nia leans over and whispers: "Mom, you must remember what we all know - you ARE much stronger than you think."

I feel the tears sting my eyes as I marvel at the wisdom of such a little child.

The next hour is spent with the girls massaging my feet, my shoulders, and my still twitching thumb which they think is absolutely hilarious. I feel the cold settling into my system, but the whole bank episode is now a quick fading memory.

I am reminded of what my cousin said to me not long ago; "My children are watching me more than I think they are." Sometimes I wish this wasn't so, especially since Nia figured out how to open her own Facebook account. I am once again reminded why I transform into my father from time to time; to protect and fight for this little kingdom I have created.

It is also why, regardless of the cold or not, I will fight the germ-ridden masses for that Rockstar So Chic Stylin Salon Makeover Vanity that Nia has reminded me three times a day that she wants from Santa. Plus the Guitar Hero, and the Barbie Townhouse, and the Fallout Video game add-on's, and the 14 different kind of Barbies, and the clothes, and the gift cards, and the homemade marshmallows, and the candy, and..........

Because beneath it all, kids do notice, even when we think they are ignoring us 95% of the time.

Thank God they weren't at the bank with me...... which, BTW, has yet to call me back to explains those charges on my account.


Cassie said...

My husband did this to me the other day. I go online to find out $3000 is missing from my savings account which the bank swears up and down my husband took and he swears up and down he didn't. An hour and three nasty phone calls later I find out he took the money from our savings instead of his business account. Idiot. Men should not be allowed to use banks or money.


I couldn't agree more with you! If no one believes, then ask them to just look at the current state our banks are in right now.

Tara R. said...

Day-um... my head hurts just from reading this. Makes me wonder why we don't go back to the barter systems, beads and trinkets. Hope you get it all sorted out.

Naomi de la Torre said...

OMG! This post was so hilarious. You had me laughing all the way through to the poignant end. I love your insight about children. Even with all the crazy demands and insanity sometimes, they can be the most sensitve, thoughtful people on earth. Which is certainly why we spoil them so. As far as your bank catastrophe, I can totally relate. I've had many of my own. We finally just switched to an online bank which I thought was going to be horrible with no live human to go and yell at when there is a problem, but it has actuaally been awesome so far. Anyway, as Sponge Bob would say, Good Luck With That!!! I love your blog. You are an awesome writer!!

Naomi de la Torre said...

PS I hope that you feel better soon! And glad that your sweet kiddos are taking such good care of you.