Tuesday, December 08, 2009

My 4 Year Old Opened Her Own Facebook Account

My 4 year old got her own Facebook account last night. Now before all you moms start calling me a "bad" parent and reporting me to the Facebook cops and whoever, just hear me out on this one.

I've been on Facebook quite a bit these past few months because I have reconnected with lost friends and family members that I haven't seen or heard from in over 18 years. A few of those friends and family got me *hooked* on Farmville and Mafia Wars in the process. I blame them - it's all their fault - they made me do it!

This led to my own semi-obsession (okay, I play it every day!), with Farmville.

Everyone was sending me so many gifts on this game that I finally started playing. First, the twins started getting interested in my ever progressing farm and what I had put on it. They were soon excited about my saving up to by a real farmhouse, a tractor, and so on. They were real little rooters on, they were.

Farmer Bertha (yes I DID name my farmer that), and me went from a 6 plot spit farm to elaborate fields of fruits and veggies, trees and animals. Today I have a Santa's toy shop as my house in the spirit of the holidays. I'm also the proud owner of an alien green cow that squirts milktonium - whatever the hell THAT is.

Soon the twins were obsessed as I was and started the nagging and begging for their own Facebook account so, they too, could play Farmville and a few others games they had heard about;

  • Fishville,
  • Yoville,
  • PetVille,
  • Waste-All-Your-Time Ville,
  • Homework-Will-Be-Handed-In-WhenEVER Ville

Get the picture?

I finally gave into them.

I set them both with their own accounts with my knowing their passwords, and if they should ever change those passwords, the account would be closed down immediately! I had to know of each and every person they added to their friends list, plus I had to approve of each one of them. I am a very paranoid person about my kids "talking" to unknowns over the internet.

I'm sorry but my Mommy Calendar does not have an extra day to pencil in right now to be an informant for the FBI because some 60 year older super-loser thinks it's good idea to "make friends" with one of my kids. I will instead, send cyper-pencils into the eyes of said 60 year old loser and click *delete* and *account closed*!

Well, along come Toni and Nia into the picture. They are currently completely obsessed with Poptropica as much as I am with Facebook. This has led to many brawls at the laptop and Toni is currently grounded from the computer for a few days as a result of one of them.

I'm thoroughly convinced the DT's from a computer for a child is far worse than detoxing from alcohol is for an adult. But then again, I have never walked down that road myself so this is just my inexperienced opinion on the alcohol part talking.

But Toni did throw up knowing that she couldn't use the computer for a few days so I think it applies as a DT moment - don't you?

I told you my family was neurotic.


The whole time this is going on, the midget is *watching* us all. Of course we think she is just running around like a crazy 4 year old who acts like she has drank one too many Red Bulls cause she's bouncing from one computer to another screaming:








I seriously want a roll of hot pink duct tape for this girl sometimes because you can't catch her and you can't calm her down unless one puts a bowl of one of her favorite snacks under her nose. But then we have to hear her snort and growl as she eats it , hissing at anyone who comes near. Soon she's back up again running from computer to computer sporting wide black eyes and crumb-filled lips while screeching:


Well, I guess the joke turned out to be on us. Last night while I was trying to correct all the burnt ovens of vanilla cupcakes on my daughters YoVille game, Toni suddenly screams that Nia is playing Yoville herself.

Toni is not just yelling; she was so loud that we received a phone call from China telling us to turn her volume button down. It was decibel level 125+! This voice level is usually reserved for such emergencies like "The house is on fire!", or "My child was just kidnapped by a crazy person!". In this case, Toni thought this was in the same category as those.

I jump/no - leap from my chair in such a way that it falls and I nearly knock myself unconscious on the bookcase behind me because that that man I married thought it was a good place to "stick it".

Toni is still screaming and pointing frantically at the laptop while trying to spew words and spit across the room that Nia is on Yoville.

"Nia IS on Yoville!", I'm gasping in my head.

"Nia! How did you get on Facebook?", I ask - no half-screech - at her.

Nia is laughing hysterically to the point it sounds manic and evil.

"YAAAA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HAAAAAA - I'm play YoVille!"

Now she starts jumping up and down and screaming at me not to touch the laptop. I can't touch anything! I'm still trying to figure out HOW she managed to open up her own Facebook account! Who CARES about touching anything!

Mental Note to Self: Put parental locks on ALL computers like you should have done several years ago!

Nia's eyes are as wide and as black as you can get them from all the excitement this has created for her. She knows she has done something "special" this time. I swear she was drooling on herself while doing her "I'm on Facebook!", mantra for over a half an hour.

Unfortunately, this whole scene resulted in her not settling down for bedtime until it was 1 1/2 hours PAST her bedtime. She was that psyched!

I'm pretty sure (I think), that she has no clue what user name or password she put in (I think). But if you ever come across a Facebook account with the name of:


You can be rest assured that's my daughters account.


If you just happen to be one of those 60 year old losers out there, don't even THINK about linking into my daughters one-time Facebook account. I just may have to pencil that date with the FBI on say..... Laundry Day Monday!

Here's a couple of cyber-pencils for ya in the meantime!


Gondooo said...

Ahahahaha! At least she didn't order something outragesously expensive off you eBay or Amazon account!

Naomi de la Torre said...

Hi there! I just found your blog on the aspiring writers group on MBC. You are hilarious. And your kids are fantastic. I'm very proud of your 4 year old for opening her own FB account. I plan to correspond with her immediately. Just kidding. Anyway, I love your site and will be coming back to visit again soon. Please come by and see me sometime too at:


I'm proud of her too, but we have already hid all credit and debit cards in case she takes this newfound "ability" too far!