Pages

Showing posts with label Farmville. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Farmville. Show all posts

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Game Of Life


So the house has still been absolutely nuts for the past few weeks. Nia is starting to come out of her "sick" phase. I took her to the doctor last week and found out that those little fire ant bites were actually a spider bite; we assume from a Wolf Spider by the symptoms she was exhibiting.


Poor thing! She's had it rough this past month.


To top it all off, she has a double ear infection - one which I knew about - the other completely shocked me. The child can't hear a dad-burn thing these days. We walk around the house like were talking to a 90 year old woman who keeps having to turn her hearing aid up to hear, "Wanna Cookie!".


THAT'S how you test the true hearing of a child. If you ever suspect your child is "faking" an ear problem; just whisper "Wanna cookie", or "Want some chocolate!", in a low voice and see how well they hear.


Trust me - it works EVERY time!


In this case, Nia is nearly deaf! When I have to yell if she wants dessert and she's only five feet away; she's deaf! Temporarily thank goodness cause all this yelling is giving me those dreaded migraines which I have become so pissed off about fond of lately.


Have we talked about the separation of late? Oh, we haven't! That's cause it's moving in extra slow motion these days! He moved his business equipment out so that he could start working in a town nearby. NOW he is finding "excuses" on how he doesn't think that is going to work out and he's only been at for 2 weeks now.


But he sure does have a serious ongoing working relationship with Julian's Xbox Live these days. He'd be a millionaire if he got a penny for every hour he spends on that thing of late. Put it this way, my son is hiding the power cord when he goes to school because it's getting so bad.


That gets PRETTY bad when the child suddenly becomes the parent of video game usage!


This was the conversation between the two of them this morning:


"Dad! You left the Xbox on all night again!"


"No I didn't - I turned it off."


"Noooo you didn't cause I just turned it off. The thing is so hot it feels like it's been on the stove all night."


"Oops!"


"If you don't start turning that thing off at night, you're gonna burn out my hard drive and we don't have the money to replace it because of your irresponsibility!"


Remember! This is my SON talking to the sperm donor.


"I'm a Bad Daddy!", he says as he starts shrinking in his seat.


"I'm gonna have to start limiting your time on that thing if you can't remember to take care of it!"


Julian proceeds to turn around, stomp out of the room, and slam the door.


I just give the hubs a long, hard, cold, "You will sleep with the outdoor critters instead of on the sofa if you break my son's Xbox", stare. He asked for it!


So instead I began my focus on the plumber coming today to fix Julian's shower; it won't turn on and the hot water won't turn off. That led to a $50 increase in my electric bill last month. I'm so glad I was told after the bill came in that there was a problem.


I wondered why Julian kept taking showers in Nadia's bathroom. I thought he was.... well.... nevermind.


The art of communication completely sucks in this household sometimes.


He's here right now contemplating whether or not the shower pipe is leaking water behind the wall. Well at least we'll find out before the tiles come busting out on the Xbox Live addict taking a bath in there.


Actually, that would be great on video! Maybe I could turn THAT into a video game he could zone out on!


Speaking of games; it's amazing all the time one can waste on Farmville when kids are busy being sick. There does come a point in a parents life when doing constant laundry, and making special "sick" meals becomes an absolute drag! One must find an outlet.


Since the weather has been *uncommonly* cold (that's how the weatherperson put it one day), playing outdoors, or biking, has come... well... is basically non-existent in this household.


Again, this family would NEVER make it in Minnesota!


So with sick kids stuck inside most of the time for the past month, I'm sick of the TV except when 24 or Bill Maher comes on; I have gravitated to working my online farm. I'm working on the vineyards now:




I know, I know; I'm an adult and should be doing better things with my time. Call it my creative outlet and it has lead to a renewed interest in my backyard.


As the hubs so eloquently put it last night; he's into killing stuff and I'm into growing and nurturing stuff.


So my online obsession led me to rip up the whole right side of my backyard of old plants and new-growth trees whose roots are determined to invade my yard from the neighbors. What I thought would take 15 minutes, instead took me over two sweaty hours of pulling, raking, and bagging of yard ca-ca.


Boy did I smell! How my pheromones in my sweat started smelling like cat spray at this age I'll never know! I definitely WON'T be attracting any hot dates any time soon!


After finishing the yard, making two dozen of what I call my "One Cup Cookies", in which only eight are left after sharing with the neighbors and various family members sneaking them all through the night - I'm getting ready to make another two dozen after the plumber leaves.


I think I can finish off a dozen before the kids get home and proceed to devour the rest!


As I see it, the weather is finally getting back to normal, biking is in my near future, Farmville is about to get deserted, so I'll working off all those cookies during gardening and peddling. No remote control needed!


Oh, and while I'm taking my new Zumba classes I signed up for yesterday (because I just found out what they are and think they are the coolest!); will someone - ANYONE - make sure the sperm donor turns off Julian's Xbox while I'm out?

Monday, January 18, 2010

My Sanity Was Saved By Jack Bauer and a Almond Joy


I woke up from a short nap this afternoon only to be faced with one of the most pressing emergencies my family has ever faced in its' entire 12 year existence:


Our modem connecting 3 computers and Xbox Live exploded!



Yes, it was a big deal; I nearly called 911! Julian was in near tears as he thought his new acquired Xbox Live account had been shut completely off and he was no longer going to be talking WWII strategy with another unknown 12 year video game addict from Timbuktu.


Yes, there IS such a place and it's in northern Mali with a population of 20,000 people (according to my iMac dictionary), and one of those kids is no longer going to be able to shoot down Nazi's and Japanese Kamikaze pilots with my son thanks to the stupid modem.


Nadia was running around doing her "I can't get on the computer" mantra; Toni and Nia were in tears because they couldn't access Barbie Dress Up Games at any point in the near future.


Forget WWII strategy, I couldn't access my blog, or Twitter; God-forbid, I cannot get on Facebook!!


Severe sweating and panic suddenly rush through my entire body at the thought that I cannot communicate with anyone other than a 50-something neurotic alien that I married, AND 4 other pod people under the age of 18 for the next 12 hours.


I begin to cry!


I immediately go into *reset modem* mode:


  • Unplug modem power cord
  • Unplug cable
  • Unplug router
  • Count to 30 s-l-o-w-l-y


PRAY - PRAY VERY, VERY HARD!


  • Plug in modem cord
  • Wait for power light to come on
  • Plug in cable cord
  • Wait for light to come on that tells me that I am "connecting" to actual human beings throughout the world!
  • Plug router back in
  • Wait again for stupid blue light to go on on the router that says I can officially "communicate" to said human beings throughout the world!


Everything looks good, all should work, but when I head to my iMac and hit the *Home* button on Safari - not a damn thing happens except:


"Sorry, YOU... CAN'T... TALK... TO.... ANYBODY!!!!"


"HAA.... HAA.... HAA... HAA... HAA!!!"

(A very, very evil laughing sound is coming from

my computers speakers system)




I repeat this whole process about five times before I finally break down to call technical service help at MediaCom to have them reset and ping the modem from their side.


This unplugging and resetting over and over with them goes on so long that I eventually have to take a pee break. I am still hoping that she never heard the toilet flush while telling her I was still waiting for the "Send" and "Received" lights to come on.


Nothing worked! I begin to cry once more as the customer service lady informs me that, "A service technician will have to bring you a new modem TO-MOR-ROW".


EEKKK - gasp - fall on the floor and go into convulsions!


Uh, does this woman realize that I have "work" to do on my computer? That I have a farm to harvest on Farmville cause all my crops are gonna die if I don't, and I won't get to that next level so that I can plant LILIES by Spring Break?


I have people to tweet and family/friends to gossip share important business with? THAT the kids have Farmville, PetVille, YoVille, Barbie Dress Up Games, and I think, a Multiplication game to work on?


I mean, we DO have our priorities around here!


Apparently that does nothing to persuade my customer service helper person to get that internet techno guy out to my house el pronto before my family starts hitting computer DT level.


Maybe I sure refer to my earlier post regarding reconnecting with my family.


Nah! I need that modem NOW!


So I begin searching a box that the hubs keeps full (I mean really full), of unused computer cords, cables, and AH HAH; an old modem. This sucker is six years old, but it's an modem and it should work, right? So I connect it, reset it, unplug, reset, unplug, reset, unplug, reset, UNPLUG, RESET, BANG ON MY KEYBOARD SEVERAL HUNDRED TIMES and..... it still doesn't work. So I call MediaCom in hysterics this time to get them to re-ping my modem. Which I should have done before I managed to bang the letter "P" off my keyboard.


I see "Computer Anger Management" classes in my near future.


Long story short (yeah... right), they ping it, it still didn't work until I/we figure out that I have to PAY ATTENTION to the screen on my browser from MediaCom (which is only thing that did manage to come up), that says to re-enter my account and registration code so that THEY know that the modem I am using is actually connected to ME.!


Well... DUH! Chalk this up to one of my blonde - turning grey - highlighted with Sun-In - moments!


I do all that and finally I am up and running on the net at a speed that is five times slower than dial-up connection which leaves me actually sleeping at the monitor while something - ANYTHING - loads up.


It took over five minutes for my email to download. Facebook took well over 10 minutes to get up and running, and Farmville; well, after about 20 minutes of trying to get it to load up, I gave up instead. Guess this is a good time to brace myself for a bunch of dead crops! I don't think I'll mention any of this to the kids until they actually have to log on sometime tomorrow night!


I told you it was an old modem.


So I decided to write this post instead. Lucky You!


My only saving grace tonight, though, is a man named Jack Bauer and his glorious colleagues on "24". I spent at least 2 hours with him which, fortunately, took my mind completely off the fact that Farmville never actually came online and everything is most likely dead, plus my cows and chickens have probably been cannibalising on each other as well.


Nadia actually asked me before dinner, "If I can't get on the computer, WHAT is there to do?" I gave her a list:


  • Read a book
  • Call a friend
  • Watch TV
  • Vacuum your room
  • Play the Wii with the girls


All I got is: "MooooOOOOoooom, that is sooo boring!"


If this has been a test on my ability to withstand my addiction to the internet; I have completely failed and Bauer would have personally shot me kicked my ass off his team.


At this point, all I can say is THANK YOU GOD for Almond Joys!




Disclaimer: Almond Joy never gave/paid me crap for mentioning their name in this posting.
For that matter.... neither did Jack Bauer - but I still love him!

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

My 4 Year Old Opened Her Own Facebook Account

My 4 year old got her own Facebook account last night. Now before all you moms start calling me a "bad" parent and reporting me to the Facebook cops and whoever, just hear me out on this one.


I've been on Facebook quite a bit these past few months because I have reconnected with lost friends and family members that I haven't seen or heard from in over 18 years. A few of those friends and family got me *hooked* on Farmville and Mafia Wars in the process. I blame them - it's all their fault - they made me do it!


This led to my own semi-obsession (okay, I play it every day!), with Farmville.


Everyone was sending me so many gifts on this game that I finally started playing. First, the twins started getting interested in my ever progressing farm and what I had put on it. They were soon excited about my saving up to by a real farmhouse, a tractor, and so on. They were real little rooters on, they were.


Farmer Bertha (yes I DID name my farmer that), and me went from a 6 plot spit farm to elaborate fields of fruits and veggies, trees and animals. Today I have a Santa's toy shop as my house in the spirit of the holidays. I'm also the proud owner of an alien green cow that squirts milktonium - whatever the hell THAT is.


Soon the twins were obsessed as I was and started the nagging and begging for their own Facebook account so, they too, could play Farmville and a few others games they had heard about;


  • Fishville,
  • Yoville,
  • PetVille,
  • Waste-All-Your-Time Ville,
  • Homework-Will-Be-Handed-In-WhenEVER Ville


Get the picture?



I finally gave into them.



I set them both with their own accounts with my knowing their passwords, and if they should ever change those passwords, the account would be closed down immediately! I had to know of each and every person they added to their friends list, plus I had to approve of each one of them. I am a very paranoid person about my kids "talking" to unknowns over the internet.


I'm sorry but my Mommy Calendar does not have an extra day to pencil in right now to be an informant for the FBI because some 60 year older super-loser thinks it's good idea to "make friends" with one of my kids. I will instead, send cyper-pencils into the eyes of said 60 year old loser and click *delete* and *account closed*!


Well, along come Toni and Nia into the picture. They are currently completely obsessed with Poptropica as much as I am with Facebook. This has led to many brawls at the laptop and Toni is currently grounded from the computer for a few days as a result of one of them.


I'm thoroughly convinced the DT's from a computer for a child is far worse than detoxing from alcohol is for an adult. But then again, I have never walked down that road myself so this is just my inexperienced opinion on the alcohol part talking.


But Toni did throw up knowing that she couldn't use the computer for a few days so I think it applies as a DT moment - don't you?


I told you my family was neurotic.


AAAANYway!


The whole time this is going on, the midget is *watching* us all. Of course we think she is just running around like a crazy 4 year old who acts like she has drank one too many Red Bulls cause she's bouncing from one computer to another screaming:


"WHATCHA DOIN! WHATCHA DOIN!?"


"CAN I PLAY THAT?"


"CAN I DO THAT?"


"CAN I HARVEST?"


"CAN I SEND SOMETHING?"


"WATCHA DOIN?!"


"I GOTTA PEE - CAN I DO THAT FIRST?!"


I seriously want a roll of hot pink duct tape for this girl sometimes because you can't catch her and you can't calm her down unless one puts a bowl of one of her favorite snacks under her nose. But then we have to hear her snort and growl as she eats it , hissing at anyone who comes near. Soon she's back up again running from computer to computer sporting wide black eyes and crumb-filled lips while screeching:


"I WANNA PLAY NOW? - CAN I PLAY NOW ?- HUH? - HUH? - HUUUUUHHHH?!"



Well, I guess the joke turned out to be on us. Last night while I was trying to correct all the burnt ovens of vanilla cupcakes on my daughters YoVille game, Toni suddenly screams that Nia is playing Yoville herself.


Toni is not just yelling; she was so loud that we received a phone call from China telling us to turn her volume button down. It was decibel level 125+! This voice level is usually reserved for such emergencies like "The house is on fire!", or "My child was just kidnapped by a crazy person!". In this case, Toni thought this was in the same category as those.


I jump/no - leap from my chair in such a way that it falls and I nearly knock myself unconscious on the bookcase behind me because that that man I married thought it was a good place to "stick it".


Toni is still screaming and pointing frantically at the laptop while trying to spew words and spit across the room that Nia is on Yoville.


"Nia IS on Yoville!", I'm gasping in my head.


"Nia! How did you get on Facebook?", I ask - no half-screech - at her.


Nia is laughing hysterically to the point it sounds manic and evil.


"YAAAA - HA - HA - HA - HA - HAAAAAA - I'm play YoVille!"



Now she starts jumping up and down and screaming at me not to touch the laptop. I can't touch anything! I'm still trying to figure out HOW she managed to open up her own Facebook account! Who CARES about touching anything!



Mental Note to Self: Put parental locks on ALL computers like you should have done several years ago!



Nia's eyes are as wide and as black as you can get them from all the excitement this has created for her. She knows she has done something "special" this time. I swear she was drooling on herself while doing her "I'm on Facebook!", mantra for over a half an hour.


Unfortunately, this whole scene resulted in her not settling down for bedtime until it was 1 1/2 hours PAST her bedtime. She was that psyched!


I'm pretty sure (I think), that she has no clue what user name or password she put in (I think). But if you ever come across a Facebook account with the name of:


ljfajoiaen;lkag;ljoau



You can be rest assured that's my daughters account.


IGNORE IT!



If you just happen to be one of those 60 year old losers out there, don't even THINK about linking into my daughters one-time Facebook account. I just may have to pencil that date with the FBI on say..... Laundry Day Monday!



Here's a couple of cyber-pencils for ya in the meantime!