Friday, February 05, 2010

In My World - Everyday Seems Like A Monday!

So waking up every morning is always a new adventure for me since my motto is "Everyday is a new day". Cause last night I was like, all freaking anxiety-ridden over the impending SE - PAR - A - TION, and after a tearful phone call with my brother, I had a glass of Pinot Nior and simply snapped out of it.

This morning sure was no exception in the "starting things out new" department. The twins and I were having such a good time before they left for school as Julian was putting on a groundhog hat that Nia made in pre-k the other day. Instead of singing the words to "Bulldog" by the Beatles - you've already figured this one out - he replaced the word "groundhog" instead. We were rolling in hysterics as my boy is the top comedian around here.

Takes after his mama!

Since we woke up to a mild flood of a storm this morning, I decided to take the kids to school instead of subjecting them to a smelly wet bus. I did want them to keep their breakfast in their stomachs before they got to school.

I walk out to the van and what the hell do you think I find? "Someone" (meaning the sperm donor I married), left the side door open on the car ALL FREAKING NIGHT LONG! That means the flood I had been watching all morning long was NOW inside my van.

What a way to kill a terrific mood! Did I also mention that I have a doctor's appointment this morning? I swear to God! Everyday of my life seems like a Monday these days!

What I can't figure out though, is why Julian was so stinking mad about it and it's not even his van! He was pretty irate though as he grabbed a stash of towels and headed out in the rain to... uh.. dry the car out.

His heart was in the right place.

By the time I arrived to assist the process, another downpour hit and my back became the collector of water once pouring into my van. I started wiping everything down (thank you GOD for leather seats this time around), when suddenly I smelled that funky smell.


Some feral CAT must have used MY car to avoid the rain storm last night and decided to make it HIS territory by spraying the absolute CRAP out of my leather, rain-drenched seats in the process!

Is there a reason why this stuff has to happen at one of the most stressful, emotionally nerve-racking times of my life?

"Because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - that's why!", I say in a very whiny and sarcastic voice.

So here I stand in the pouring rain as the twins are high and partly dry in the van, patiently waiting me to dry things off and drive them to school. Except I am now removing any carpet I can from the van because there's about a 1/2 inch of standing water on them in both the middle and back seats. As I pull them out and lift them, water pours from them both as I began to cry at the thought of what this is gonna cost me to clean up at one of those just give us ALL your money detailing shops.

Let's not forget about the mold and mildew that's gonna start growing by tomorrow morning because this is Florida and "humidity" is what they were actually gonna call this state until Juan Ponce de Leon thought it a better idea to name if after a holiday because he landed here around the Easter season (I Googled it that's how I know so don't be thinking I'm so smart and all).

I think "Humidity" would have been a LOT easier to contemplate than "Pascua Flori-DA"!

Off the subject a moment:

I cannot tell you the issues I am having with spelling this morning. My dumb Spell Checker is like, going freaking nuts cause I seem to have a bad case of dyslexia or ADHD or something, cause I can't spell worth a crap this morning.

Must be all that cat spray I snorted from the van!

So I managed to pull all the carpets out of the van and hang them in the garage where they started draining so much water out that they were endangering the hubs treatment tables he has packed up. This small river was heading toward the canvas-covered tables and THAT leaves me frantically picking up the 2-ton objects and trying to put them on top of something else so I don't get nit-picked to death in a lawyers office one day on "how I ruined his really expensive treatment tables and I need to cough up dough - or deduct from future alimony payment to cover the cost of replacing them".

So I'm soaked, I'm trying to be Super Mom/Woman by saving the van from a lifetime of black mold, and also saving the hubs clinic equipment, AND getting the kids to school on time in all this wet chaos.

"NADIA! Check in purse to see if there is any chocolate!", I frantically call out to her.

Since I have raised the twins in the proper parenting style of anything can be fixed with chocolate, she instinctively knows that my "purse supply" has diminished and she is soon bouncing into the house to get my "other" stash in the freezer.

Which she produces with a rather large and silent smile - which means "GIve us some too!".

I'm finally in the semi-damp drivers seat (nothing like driving with wet leather seats as your ass is sliding to the floor every time you hit the brakes), our mouths are filled with that calming, semi-sweet goodness. The car smells a smidgen better since I dusted with some "Kill that freaking cat odor", carpet powder. I'm off to get the kids to school before they get blamed for being tardy when the blame solely falls on some rogue kitty and someone's defunct adult male brain cells!

As I as said previously; I had a doctor's appointment this morning which I had him in stitches (no pun intended - Bawhahahahaha!), over the flooded van/cat issue. We both completely forgot why I had stopped by to pay him a little visit.

Oh yeah! Now we remembered; it something to do with refilling my monthly supply of Lexapro. After all that laughter he had the gaul to ask me why I really needed it. I mentioned to him once again that I had four kids, I'm going through a separation, my kitchen is still not finished, and that my van will soon smell like the inside of a creaky old house built in the 20's - complete with my-stuff-not-yours kitty smell.

He couldn't write that prescription fast enough!

The day looks better already.

OH! See the PRE-TTY picture I made to share this moment with you:


Tara R. said...

May your chocolate stash never diminish! What a terrible, horrible, rotten day! Hope you are drying out and smelling minty fresh in no time.

mommica said...

A glass of pinot noir?! Oh honey, I'll send you a case - stat!


Cases will be gladly accepted!

Anonymous said...

生命就像騎單車一樣,除非你停止踩踏板,否則不會掉下去。 ..................................................

Gondooo said...

God I LOVE chocolate!!!!
Thank the good Lord above that it is winter and a cooler one at that. I can remember finding my car with all its windows down in St Pete and I did not, I repeat, did not have to wait for that smell to arrive. It knocked me out from twenty paces away! And did I mention how the palmetto bugs found this a very acceptable place to hang out?! I have a huge huge phobia of roaches so this was not good, a story I will have to tell you one day.
When I come over, we are due for a heavy wine session!

Cassie said...

This story has to fall in the so crazy I couldn't have made it up category. Remember how this started by not wanting to subject the kids to wet bus smell? No good deed goes unpunished.

Jae said...

Thank God for chocolate and Pinot Noir! This has to be a true story, as no one could make up such an awful start to their day. Fingers crossed for a less stressful week next week!

Draft Queen said...

Oh my word.

By the way, you are a freaking genius with chocolate stashes everywhere. I really need to start doing that!

Hope the car dries out!


I swear by my daughters pull-ups that this is a true story. When we went out to eat last night, Nia started gagging from the smell between the cat spray and the weird smell from the car drying out. I had to go back inside and grab more kitty cat carpet powder before we could get out of the driveway. That car detailer is definitely in my near future!

Karen said...

Oh my gosh! How could you not want to kill that soon to be ex?

Gingers Mom said...

Chocolate really does make things better. And if not, a wine chaser doesnt hurt.

I am sorry to hear about your separation. :(

CastoCreations said...

Dear God woman...if I were you I'd be sitting on the front steps pounding my head against the wall. Hang in there!!! And as you so eloquently put, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. :) Or, "God never gives us more than we can handle...I just wish he didn't trust me so much!"

Jen said...

I'd have told the child to find the wine stash, who cares if it's the morning. I don't know how you got through that day but hopefully there won't be anymore like that. Oh, wait, you have to deal with lawyers. Never mind. Box wine got me through my divorces.