Thursday, February 18, 2010

Does Dr. Phil Do Hormone Therapy?

Well it's still cold down here in "sunny" Florida. It's gotten so bad that I've become accustomed to wearing my Uggs to bed at night. I had a $400 electric bill last month so I'm opting not to turn the thermostat above 60 this month. It's a little hard to bear around here since we do live in Florida and that means the kids think it's t-shirt and shorts weather year around. I'm the one that looks a bit out of place with my 3 shirts, a sweater, jeans, Uggs, and a sweater coat on.

Nia has taken up residency in my bed at night since all the cold weather started. She doesn't wear pajamas and uses me instead as her source of warmth at night. I cannot tell you how much fun it's been at night waking up constantly cause she constantly kicks the covers off - all 4 of them? Hence my need to wear Uggs to bed.

Did I mention she is the worse bed hog ever?

How one little four year old can take over an entire king size bed is beyond me; but she does! I wake up each morning on my solitary one foot edge of the bed, and she is sprawled out - eagle style - with her feet stuck in my ribs and her head near the other edge of the bed.

Now you know what my womb felt like when I was pregnant with her. No wonder I have stretch marks from this one.

On top of the weird cold weather we're having down here, my twins are tweens and getting to embark on puberty; especially Nadia.


Yes, life is coming to abrupt halt since the arrival pre-puberty. Now my son isn't so bad, but OH MY GOD - his twin sister, Nadia, is about to drive all of us completely nuts around here!

How this child can be so incredibly nice to her friends and their parents and then come home and turn into a female version of Darth Vadar is beyond me. Is this the way we women were when we were about to start that time? I don't remember it, and am I having pre-puberty amnesia because of it? Right now, I compare her in-home personality to that of an animal that eats its' young.

One moment, she is pleasantly playing makeovers with her younger sisters and the next, we are all coward in the hall closet throwing raw, red meat out the door at her to calm her. As we hear her fangs ripping it apart, we quietly toss a coin to decide if it's safe to come out again.

One moment she is in the kitchen laughing and joking around with Julian; the next, she is belittling his own personality to the point that he is so small that I'm calling to one of the other kids to bring me a magnifying glass so that I don't manage to sweep him up with a broom.

Someone said that if you want to see how your children behave, then look in the mirror (that was my father who said that, to be exact).

OH. MY. GOD. (again!)!

Is this how I am during those hormonal times of the month? Is this all my daughter got out of my usual jovial and joking manner? All my 12 years together with this child has been reduced to those 1-2 weeks of the month where mommy needs to be locked in a closet of her own.

WHAT about all the other times we had together? Does that not account for anything else in her personality?

I need a Dr, Phil intervention here!

Nadia is a good kid - a strong kid who has overcome some difficult obstacles in her life. Like the fact that she was never "discovered" until I was 27 weeks pregnant. Boy was my OB out to lunch! I had to tell her that I was pregnant with twins. All that time I was talking to Julian and not Nadia. Makes me think that part of her issues right now is the fact that she was "left out" until her energy became so strong inside of me that is was impossible not to notice her. Yeah, I even figured out she was a girl before the ultrasound confirmed it.

I remember when she had Bell's Palsy at age seven and walked around for weeks with the right side of her face hanging down to her knees. She worked right along with her father and I to correct it and today there's not a trace of it left.

We were told when she was born that she would most likely have asthma by the time she was three. Till this day, she has never had a trace of it even though she is susceptible to allergies coming and going.

She's had to constantly live in the limelight of her extroverted brother as he got all the outward attention because of his humorous nature. She finally switched that around these past few years and has emerged a social butterfly from her normally introverted self.

She's even taken in stride (well... kinda), the fact that her younger sisters constantly want to take over her room and all the contents in it. She has learned the art of compromise as a result.

She's amazing in the kitchen, charming with Nia, and she's cleverly quick-witted.

So who the hell is this person living with me now?


(said in a loud, booming voice with scary music all around)!

Holy freaking cow! How did I miss this upcoming event in all the books I read? Could it be that I was still stuck on "TWINS - The Early Years", portion of the books. So I'm in denial about my kids growing up like every other mother, but this came at me way too fast!

"I cannot tell you the joy I feel right now at the thought of maxi pads and Midol flying all through my house and consuming every shelf of every closet cause I have birthed THREE GIRLS from that same womb that causes all these hormonal issues!!"

Now with those three girls comes three sets of hormone-laden personalities COMBINED with my hormonal, neurotic personality, and you have the whole neighborhood wanting to leave the area for those "special" times of the month. It ain't gonna be pretty around here in the near future!

More joy is setting in!

What can I say? Nadia's hormones are getting out of control and she's too young to medicate them. What is a mother to do?

  • Do I gently file her fangs and 12 inch claws when she's in one of her moments of ripping emotional flesh from our fragile ego's around here?

  • Do I sedate her with mounds of chocolate during one of her moments, only to have it show up on a possibly acne-covered complexion which could cause the situation to get worse?

  • Sedate the rest of the family so that we can live with her during these moments of hormonal distress? (I'm for that one, LOL!)

  • Seek the higher counsel of a pediatrician who will only tell what I already know: "Flood her with love, kindness, and compassion during these trying times in a girls life until it makes you and your family fall over dead on the floor!"


"No, I can't do it - she's MEAN to me!"

"Hug her and tell her you LOVE HER!"

"No! I can't do it - she bites!"

"Grab her by the shoulders and tell her you LOVE HER and you UNDERSTAND her feelings!"

"No! The last time I did that, she knocked me to the floor, showed me her fangs, and droooooled on my head! WAAAAAA-HAAA-HAAA!"

"DAMN IT WOMAN - SNAP OUT OF IT! YOU are a MOTHER who screamed like a Hyena in heat as you were giving birth to this little miracle! NOW GO LOVE YOUR CHILD!"

*whimper* *whimper*


Now that's all we know to do when our children are in dire hormonal distress. Each one is different; therefore, each one will deal with this time in their lives on their own unique level of understanding.

Taking NO prisoners as they go!

We learn to dig real deep while they're in this temporary (hopefully), Dr. Jekyll - Mr. Hyde syndrome. We bring all that parental love to the forefront of our completely exhausted, emotional self, and we....... love them immensely for the truly wonderful gifts we know them to be.

Then we rationalize everything by blaming this all on Satan, and Eve with her stupid obsession with that damn apple (???) in the Garden of Eden. It's all their fault!

Life resumes as normal and I go on living in denial that my little, 4 pound - 10 ounce baby twin girl, Nadia, is growing up into a gorgeous independent woman with thoughts, feelings, and ideas of her about the world around her.

That is until I look down and find her gnawing on my ankle again.

Now where did I put that book on boundaries?


3LittleMonkeys said...

Thanks for making me thankful I have 3 BOYS!

Draft Queen said...

My daughter is the same way. You can set your calendar to this kid.

We like the "Sweetie, I think you need a calming bath" approach.

For 4-5 days a month the kid is downright pruny but at least we tolerate her hormones better while she's taking them out on a bottle of shampoo.