So as we're getting ready to crank up the fireplace since getting fixed this past summer, I was imagining what I'm going to be going through with my four year old as she experiences her first indoor fire in her whole little existence on this planet thus far. It's probably gonna go something like this:
"Yes Nia, daddy is starting a fire tonight."
"Yes honey he does know what he's doing."
"Uh.. no, there's no need to call the fire department, and yes we are allowed to make a fire in the house. As long as it's in the fireplace."
"No honey, daddy can't make one in your room; only in the living room."
"Uh no Nia, daddy already cut firewood, you don't need to put mommy's fake tree in there."
Now the fire is roaring and we're sitting all around basking in it's warmth on one of those few really blistery days down here in Florida, so the scene continues like this:
"Uh Nia, you need to stay away from the screen."
"No Nia! You don't need to get IN the fire, just sit here with the rest of us."
"No Nia, don't mess with the screen. Nia... Nia... put the screen back. No it doesn't HAVE to go in a zig zag direction. No, you don't need to lay it down because it's NOT blocking the heat."
"No Nia, you don't need to put paper in the fireplace. Daddy already did that. No Nia, don't get the copy paper. We need that for the copier. Don't... sto... no....!"
"Nia, do NOT put the Barbie doll in the fireplace!"
"Yes honey, her hair does look like someone cut it with a lawnmower, but she can't go in the fireplace."
"NIA DON'T PUT THE CAT IN THE FIREPLACE!! He's already warm, that's why he has fur!"
"Nia... Nia... no Nia; you can't lay down right in front of the fire; and leave the fire tools alone. They are NOT ninja gear!"
"That's okay Nia, it was an old DVD disc anyway. Yes honey, it DOES make pretty colors as it melts around the firewood. Yes Nia, I DO see the black smoke coming out."
"Nia, you do not need to fan the smoke with the pillow. OH, that was an old pillow too. Just stand back and daddy will take care of it."
"OH MAN THAT I MARRIED!! Nia tossed a pillow into the fireplace and I need your help!"
"Yes Nia, the pillow makes a lot of smoke too."
"Uh, Nia, why do you have all those leaves?"
"Nia, DON'T put the leaves in the....."
"Yes honey, daddy is putting the fire out."
"Why? Uh, cause it's warm enough in here, that's why."
"Yes honey, I know he's throwing in a bucket of water."
"Nia, it's time for bed honey."
"Uh Nia, why are you dragging you blanket and pillow in here?"
"No, you are not sleeping beside the fireplace."
"No Nia, the fireplace does not get scared at night."
"No Nia,. the fireplace does not have nightmares after you put it out."
"Nia, Nia please put the poker down. No you cannot dig in the house with the fireplace shovel."
"NIa... Nia.... time for bed Nia. Let's go put you to bed now."
"Uh what's that Nia?"
"Yes, daddy did get wet putting the fire out, and yes he is yelling quite a lot right now."
"What? Was that a bad word daddy said? Oh no honey, daddy is just repeating the Chinese words he learned on his computer tonight."
"Yes it does rhyme with bit. Very good honey, now let's get into bed."
"Good night sweetie - I love you too! "
"What is that?"
"Make another fire tomorrow?!"
"Let's just see if mommy can clean all the soot off the floor and ceiling tomorrow, okay sweetie?"