Friday, November 20, 2009

Did You Know That Toilet Training Involves a Blender?

I was gonna write about how crappy my life has been of late, but who wants to hear that stuff when the holidays are just around the corner. No one wants to be the first Bah Humbug of the season. So instead, the powers of God sent me in the direction of Nia instead. It still amazes the power that a child can have over a situation.

Lately I have been having issues with Nia going to the bathroom when she needs to. You know the look; walking with her butt stuck out a mile while holding herself and stubbornly proclaiming "I don't HAVE to go!".

This has resulted in more accidents and excess laundry than I care to admit. So the other night I came up with a clever parenting technique; fabricate the situation to my favor in order to get the desired results. In other words:

I lied!

Nia was prancing around in the back yard the other day and there that butt went. Then she started dancing around while holding herself, and there was nothing Princess-cy about it!

"Nia, go to the bathroom.", I requested

"I don't HAVE to go!", she insists.

A few moments later after watching her do more squatting than dancing (it was quite weird looking at this point), I insisted again: "Nia, GO to the BATHROOM!".

"But I don't HAVE go!!", she yells back.

The whole back and forth thing is starting to get redundant and it's getting on my nerves at this point, so suddenly I have a clever idea of tricking the child into going.

"Nia, come here. I need to check you eyes a minute cause I can tell by your eyes if you have to go.", I say while glaring over my sunglasses.

She slowly walks towards me in that semi-duck position and I reach over and pull down her lower eyelid to her left eye.

"Yep, you gotta go Nia. The yellow spot in your eye is showing up and THAT means your bladder is full.", I barely squeak out without laughing in her face.

Not wanting to argue with medical science at that point, she promptly heads into the house and goes to the bathroom.

"Problem solved!", I say smiling to the hubs who is giving me that "Shame on you", look for lying to our daughter.

Well tonight, I was faced with the exact same challenge. Sitting outside and enjoying the mildly cool air while sipping my fav Pinot Nior, Nia comes outside and soon she has that butt stuck out again while drinking a glass of water and... holding herself.

Yes, it WAS a site! How she didn't pee all over herself while drinking the water is beyond me.

"Nia, go to the bathroom.", I half patiently say cause I'm like relaxing and I really don't want to go through this whole "go to the bathroom circus" again.

"But I don't HAVE to go.", she says while bouncing up and down the steps.

"Nia, your butt is stuck out and I KNOW you have to go!", I really insist this time.

Something in my voice suddenly makes her stop short then she slowly turns around to me and pulls down her eyelid and asks: "Is that yellow thing in my eye?".

Nearly busting out laughing I replied "Yes it is!".

As she opens the door to go into the house to the bathroom she turns to me and says:

"THAT means the blender is FULL!"