Thursday, October 15, 2009

My Church Sucks..... THERE, I said it!

I have issues with the church I've been going to now for a year. I know I live in the South and clicks are part of the cultural norm around here, but can't some of these women grow up, get a life, and get out of high school already???

A few weeks I went on a skating trip with the 6-8 grade youth group. I was excited cause it was an 80's theme, and I just think 80's music is 2nd in line only to 60's music; the only two era's really worth listening to when it comes to pop/rock.

Anyway... getting off the subject again.

Now by the time I get through with this post, I will have both the Southern Baptist and the Southern Methodist organizations writing big bad articles about me and my blog and hooooow I'm full of Satan and hoooooow I'm leading millions to hell just by writing this post.

Fuck em!

I'm angry, and I'm angry that I made myself feel so terribly rotten for two weeks over their behavior, and if that's a "sin", then well.... WHO CARES!

I took Nadia on the skating trip because Julian decided he wanted to be the first one to get the flu in our house and sit this exciting trip out at home coughing his brains and lungs out all over his pillow.

I left him in bed with tears accompanying his brains and lungs on that pillow. My heart broke for the boy. That should have been my first clue not to go on this little trip.

Neither Nadia nor I dressed the 80's theme like we were "suppose" to because she has this thing about "embarrassing" herself in public by dressing like her mother did when I was.... well, when I did dress like that in the 80's.

So we donned jeans and a t-shirt, and the closest thing I got to dressing like the 80's were my neon pink Converse high-tops that I BOUGHT in the 80's!

I should have taken my secone clue when we got to the church, signed in, and paid, and not one damn parent there would have more than a 2 second conversation with me.

I just took as everyone was busy, but I started feeling that same gnawing feeling I did when I attended church regularly at a Baptist church in North Carolina some 14 centuries ago. But this was a Methodist; no way they could have the same clicks as a Baptist church did.

Nope... Wrong... Think Again... I am living in the South. There are ALWAYS clicks in the South no matter WHAT church/synagogue you go to!

Okay, here come all the hard core Southerners out to kick my ass for this post.

Hey, I grew up in the South, so I can knock it all I want because I'm not an "Outsider". I so freaking hate that word!

When it came to getting on the bus for this great big jaunt, all the other parents were being led to their vehicle of choice by the happy-go-luck "30/40-something church ladies". I kept asking "Should I get on the bus, or should I ride in the van with the OTHER parents?" I kept getting ignored. I kept asking and someone finally asked me if I was going and needed a ride just as the bus was pulling off.


I put that aside and try to make small talk with the other parents in the van I was put in. Other than a forced response to my response, no one would talk to me! I felt like the leper that no one wanted to be around.

I just took as the "newness effect". It would wear off once we all got to the rink and skated together.

Think again sister!

The female clicks were just as strong and "in your face" in the Methodist environment as it was years ago in that Baptist environment.

Those stinking women would not say one damn word to me unless it was a forced issue; like when I asked a question or tried to start "small talk". I worked every angle; humor, pain when falling, compliment on 80's costume, compliment on one's hair, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!

I was still the leper though.

I am not an extrovert, just ask anyone in my family, so me being shy is not the issue. But I'm not overly in your face unless it's the hubs refusal to clean out his 5 o'clock shadow he just shaved off in the sink and never rinses out!

This went on for some time and I kept trying to make some kind of contact with the "church ladies", then my rollerblade strap broke. I gave up skating for the night and sat down on the bench directly next to the anti-leper colony of church ladies. They sat in a little huddle and talked, occasionally skated, occasionally "glanced" my way, but NEVER said a word to me unless I purposely leaned over and made another complement or gesture toward their way.

What was the problem here?

Did I offend them by not dressing up in 80's attire?

Were my neon pink high tops too over the top with my black skinny leg jeans?

Was my new hair cut so offensive that they just couldn't deal with it?

What the heck was the deal with these women???

I finally gave up and sat for the last hour with a stupid grin on my face trying to hide my hurt and anger from these "church ladies".

Where was Nadia in all this? Well, I tried skating with her for awhile, but just like all budding pre-teens, she didn't need her mother "hovering" over her ability to handle roller skates. I was left to skate pretty much by myself as my daughter maneuvered her way around the wall of the rink with one of her friends.

I was so hurt and so pissed that when I got home, I through my rollerblades in the garbage an vowed never to skate again. "Why after being at this church for over a year, they still treated me as though I was a pod person from Pluto?", I though I as lugged the garbage an lid up and hoisted the skates over and in.

Yes, their gone - the trash people picked them up early the next morning and they are left forever lonely, in a landfill somewhere, after my long 12 year relationship with them came to an end because of snobby church ladies.

Okay.... so I was having a ten year old tantrum moment. I live with 4 kids - they rub off on me sometimes!

The real problem is HOW I let these snobby little church ladies affect ME. For the next two days, I literally hid in my bathroom sobbing because I felt so reject by my church, my peers, my faith in the fact that a church is suppose to be a place where one can find sanctuary when the world is so crazy around us.

Instead, I found the church cheerleading team picking and choosing who was cool and who was not; who they were gonna "associate" themselves with and who they were not.

I was in freaking high school all over again and I just wanted to die!

It didn't end here.

After feeling hurt, getting angry, and fuming, I decided to take a higher road and just let them be them, cause I wasn't changing for anyone anymore. Plus, I had four children that enjoyed going to the church and attending the activities they offered. I wasn't about to let my moment ruin all of theirs. My four year old attends Pre-K there for gosh sakes! I have to find a higher ground in all this.

So I took some homemade coffee cakes to the Monday after-school program a couple of weeks ago. Spent all afternoon making them. When I placed the plate of treats on the counter for the kids to have (cause we ALL are suppose to chip in and donate treats for the kids for this program), all these stupid church ladies were there, and they all were looking at me like I was that leper again!

So I begin to explain that I brought them for the kids and a couple of them responded to me and said "Well, YOU didn't have to do that. We have OTHER mothers who bring treats for the kids".


This time, instead of pissing me off, I just got determined to make them see me as much as possible. I am going to make so much stuff for those kids to eat, that soon their parents will be picking up obese little piggies afterwards instead of their own children (uh, including mine I guess, LOL).

I'm here and I am not going away! My kids like it there, and I'm going to make it the best possible experience for them even if those snobby, uptight, crappy church ladies don't like it and don't think I "fit it" to their whole idea of what "whatever" is.

Confused.... well so the hell am I!

I'm tired of denying it and pretending it doesn't exist, but my church completely sucks! It's another one of those places where it's more of a social group than a church. They want it filled with those they approve of, and mildly tolerate those they don't. It is the reason that I have avoided going to church for so many years, but since my kids are so involved with it, they are gonna have to deal with me more often than not.

And that being said, I went out and bought myself four new bundt cake pans for that coffee cake I need to make next Monday. If you can't win someone over with your charming personality, then get em through their stomachs!

Now THAT'S sinful!


Gondooo said...

Yep Carolyn, this is the exact same reason I quit attending church! If I were you, I would make yourself the most popular mommy amongst those kiddies and I wouldn't pay a moments attention to any of those snobs. Who knows, maybe eventually they will come around but I think you are doing the right thing.

Anonymous said...

WOW! Sweetie I'm so sorry! I felt a bit like that when we attended the Southern Baptist church in Phoenix and Michael was the YOUTH DIRECTOR!

Tara R. said...

This is one of the biggest reasons I don't attend a church too. I wanted to find a 'family' instead I was the red-headed step child.