Images of Hope and Devastation..... It's a Mad World

I took a walk out on the beach yesterday to "tour" the damage rolling onto the shore. It was a far cry from the last time I went to the beach recently to finish shooting film for my final photo project in class.

Man, what those pictures will remind me of for the rest of my life: My last normal day on the beach with my family.

I had planned to go out to the beach after my evening class at school, and I had my digital in tow for anything that might pop up. Before I even got out of Pensacola and over the 3-mile bridge, I was greeted with a notable group of protestors holding up loud signs that voiced a re-occuring theme:

"BOYCOTT BP"

I got out and took several pictures and had short conservations which several of our communities finest (and I'm NOT talking police here!). These were everyday people with families and a strong voice they wanted heard.

After getting in my car and heading over the bridge towards the beach, I felt my eyes sting and well up with tears. It was at that time I let it all out as I traveled those 3 miles over the Pensacola Bay.

I cried so hard I was wishing there was a way to hook up the cars windshield wipers to my eyeballs. It was that bad because it was very hard to drive. I wound up being the "old lady" driver doing barely the speed limit and holding up a line of traffic behind me, desperate to pass.

All those drivers must have seen my face when passing by cause not even one gave me the finger as they whizzed by.

When I finally hit the beach with my camera, the truth was laid all before me - total devastation all packaged up in gooey globs of brown for as far as I can see.

It became very, very clear that this was not a "problem" that was going to go away as soon as the media stopped reporting it because the rest of the world was **tired** of hearing about it.

The water sizzled like acid when the tide came in. My guess is that this is cause by the mixture of dispursements in the water as it heats us and forms a gas that is being released into the atmosphere. Then again, no one has ever given me a degree in chemical biology.... yet.

There were no "tar balls" on the beach. What this is is small to very extra large globs of oil that have mixed with sand because of the rolling tide, and created a "ball-like" affect when the oil meets the sand.

I've seen tar balls - these aren't them!

What was even harder to see was the large amounts of pools of oil - bubbling oil that were everywhere! The oil actually has bubbles, and it's thick like cold corn syrup being poured from the bottle.

But this stuff ain't sweet like corn syrup!

Shells normally reserved for my daughters delicate fingers on a warm, sunny day would never again see the bottom of their sand buckets or sandy pockets. Toxic fingers have tightly wrapped themselves around the scattered sand dollars now as if to say "Hands Off!".

I did manage to capture some pictures of "normalcy" before I left. I took this because I had to be left with a upbeat, optimistic view of the home in which I love.

Oh crap! I'm crying again!

Like so many others, this is my home. This is where I had planned to raise my four children - in a safe, clean, community-oriented environment.

We always had a saying; "Even if we had no money, there was always the beach to go to for fun and entertainment."

In several irresponsible decisions, BP and TransOcean STOLE that away from every man, woman, child living along the Gulf Coast, and every living creature that works together creating a delicate balance of life within those Gulf waters.


And this is when I say to Sarah Palin personally:

"How's that Drill-Baby-Drill working for ya!"

Excuse my French, but
"Stupid Bitch!"

When the media has quit being the only ones making hotel reservations, packed up and gone home...

When the media stops reporting on the oil spill because it's no longer "fresh and exciting" anymore....

When the rest of the world is **tired** of hearing about the spill and want to switch to more **interesting** "stuff"...

Those who live around these waters and make their livings off of it will still be here when you won't.

We will still be cleaning these beaches for years to come so you will have someplace "pretty" to spend your vacations.

And we will constantly be searching for fishable waters that have not been deadened by the levels of disbursements being dumped in the Gulf, mixed with the oil and methane gas rising from the deep.

Hopefully we will be able to tell everyone next summer:

"Come On Down - The Water is Fine!"

To The Gulf Coast: I Hope We Can "Fix You"

Goodbye Pensacola Beach

Downloads, Darkrooms, Dreams, and Daughters

It's been another long hiatus since I've written; school has been taking up a lot of my time. That and stressing out about the encroaching oil upon our shores here on Pensacola Beach. It arrived late last night and Wednesday morning. It's a mess - it's ALL a BIG mess.

So what's been happening around here.....

Downloads:

Well, that man I married managed a big gaffe a few weeks ago. He thought it okay to download a video game from Bit Torrent that led our internet provider to shut down our account.

It all started 8 months ago when I received a letter that he had downloaded a movie and if *we* downloaded any more copyrighted material, the net would go "Buh-Bye". After several hours of reprimanding him, having him delete Bit Torrent and ALL files he had downloaded; I was sure that was the end of it and he had learned his lesson.

But Noooooo-OOOOOOO-ooooooo!

My son had a friend over and they had been gabbing about this *cool* new game called Red Dawn Redemption (YES, this DOES lead back to that stupid freaking Xbox!), the hubs thought he would "impress" my son and his friend by letting him know he could steal get the game for them, download to a disk, and WAA-LA, be playing it before dinnertime.

NOT!

Seems it was having trouble downloading - taking too long - what-E-ver. He just didn't get to impress them the way he wanted. The problem was that he never stopped the download, and two days later our internet was shut off.

Of course after a few hours of it gone and several family members starting to go into internet and Xbox Live DT's, I called. I was just so happy to find out WHY it had been cut off. The "customer service rep" tried to explain to me in her best broken English that "Yough ha no innernet becau yough dounload copywhi file".

I have no freaking clue where this woman came from, but she needs a serious refresher course if she's going to continue being in that job!

Back to the hubs I went.

He finally admitted he downloaded a book (now this was before I found out about the video game remind you). I told him we had to wait for a letter from the internet company - sign it - send it in - and only then would we have our internet back in about five days!

So we wait, and wait, and wait,....... letter never came. Julian is freaking out cause he can't get on Xbox, so I call again. This time I get this guy whom I can completely understand! He explains to me exactly what got downloaded and when.

I think he was from Oregon or Washington....

I call the hubs and proceed to convey what I had learned:

"What was it you said you downloaded that got our internet cut off?"

"Uh.... a book."

"What is Red Dawn Redemption?"

Long pause

"Uh...... a video game."

"And did you download this game?"

Another really long pause

"Well Julian and his friend were wanting to play it so I thought........"

Of course I have to stop him right there.

"THAT'S WHAT GOT OUR INTERNET CUT OFF!!"

"I thought you said you weren't going to do that - you said it was A BOOK!"

"It's not on my computer."

"Did you download on the kid's computer?"

"............ I don't remember." (so politician of him)

I tell him I'll call him back as I go into investigative mode. I crank up the kids computer, do some looking around, and there - sure enough - is Bit Torrent!

I open it up and what do you think is still trying to download even though the internet is cut off? Red - Freaking - Dawn Redemption!

I go into a frenzy of deleting everything related to downloads on the computer cause if it shows up when the internet comes back on, we get SUED!

Until the internet got turned on..... another week later, I was left to drag my old laptop to Mickey D's and bribe the kids with endless supplies of french fries and ice cream cones while I conducted my own *business* on the net.

Life sure is more normal around here since it came back on!

Did I mention that Julian wanted to download some Xbox game mod-add on off of Bit Torrent yesterday?

Darkrooms:

I think you know by now that I have been living in a darkroom at school, four long days a week, for the past month. It's been an absolute exciting journey learning the basics up of black and white photography, how to shoot, and how to develop film.

The only downside I can see to this class is that:

A - It didn't last long enough - I could have gone for more like a six month class.

B - Me and my clothes are going to be smelling like a combo of pee and onions for a while because I can't seem to get the odor of developer/stop/and fixer out of anything!

My kids actually refer to me as *Playdough Woman" cause after I wash the stuff I wore to school, it smells like playdough.

I'm also a very light sensitive person; it's why I live at the beach - so I can get as much sunlight as possible as to avoid a possible coma! The darkroom did not help one bit in this department.

Most days, after spending six long hours in a dark room that it's only illumination comes from the dim light of an enlarger machine and a red light in the middle of the room, I was out for the count as soon as I got home.

My brain cells literally went into hyperdrive in the sleep department because they were getting mixed signals thinking it was nighttime all the time and sending mass quantities of melatonin into my system which put me close to that coma!

I never even heard that stupid mouse that has taken up residency in the wall at the headboard of where I sleep.

My kids grew several inches that I never even noticed until yesterday.

But I made some great pics!

You'll see them as soon as I get my scanner straightened since it doesn't recognized the new modem our internet server sent us since having to replace the last one due to the *illegal download* incident.

Dreams:

Seems like the oil, school, illegal downloads, and the stinking mouse living in my bedroom wall has been taking it's toll on my ability to have simple, normal dreams at night. I tell you about this one and you figure it out cause frankly, I don't think I should analyze this one:

I'm in this house which resembles one that the hubs and I lived in Santa Fe, NM. My cat Chowder is walking around the house just fine except his tail is falling off in one bit at a time. I reach out to pet him (again, he's acting just fine and purring), and as I get to his tail, the whole damn thing falls off in my hands!

I am freaking out and Chowder is now walking around with a little fur sticking out where his tail was. He climbs up on a table and lays down - he's still perfectly fine as I'm freaking out - and suddenly I see a mouse on the floor. I'm trying to get Chowder to notice the mouse so he can catch it. He seems totally bored with the idea of getting and catching a mouse and instead, is more entertained by my freaking out.

Suddenly, the whole floor has mice running all over the place. Nia is beside me as we starting looking for Toni and the twins. I sense Toni is there, yet I can't see here. I look for the twins and realized they have gone out the front door and it's wide open. I step outside and it's very cold, which signals to me that's how the mice got in, in order to get out of the cold.

Still can't find the twins or see Toni.

The dream ends with me and Nia walking into the bright light of the outdoors looking for the twins.

Okay all you Jungian Psychology majors! Line right up and tell me about THAT dream!

It's weird, but then again, I never claimed to be normal here.

Daughters:

One of my daughters flew the coop this week. No, not permanently! We all know that 12 year old girls can't make it in this world without mom and dad paying for their cell phone bills.

Which, by the way, she a new of as well (God help me and my budget!)

Nadia went to band camp in Arkansas this week. It's the longest she's been gone from my sight other than a sleepover with a friend or family.

To say that it was hard to let her go... physically and emotionally.... is an understatement.

You know what I mean; as you're driving them to the location of the bus that will soon whisk your child into the **unknown**, you begin to reminiscence about when your child suddenly let go of your hand as they took their first baby steps. When they suddenly ran far away from you for the first time. When they went out with their friends and didn't come back home when they were suppose to.

MASSIVE FREAKING FEAR SETS IN!

Then the tears start welling up in your eyes as your child starts rolling their eyeballs cause they just know your gonna make some hysterical scene in front of their friends.

I didn't make a scene, but I was the obnoxious parent with the camera flashing in everyone's eyeballs since it was pitch black outside from a horrid storm brewing.

The more I flashed, the more Nadia sank into her piles of luggage and into her sock monkey she just had to drag along for the ride.

And she said I was embarrassing!

After she was safely on the bus and driving away, then I let the tears flow like bloody Niagra Falls. I was crying 4 hours later into my third glass of Pinot Nior.

I'm such a pansy sometimes! At least the rest of the fam realized not to say anything and just let me have my little moment of mourning the fact that my 1st born daughter is really growing up and spreading her wings in order to fly.

Just like I'm suppose to teach her to do.

Sometimes I just wish we could be like birds and push our offspring out of the nest and be done with it.

I spend far less on Puffs Plus if we were.

She misses me though, her voice says more than her mouth is willing to admit. She's having a great time, she's tired, and she says the week is going too slow.

Translation: "I want to come home."

When she does arrive on Friday, I'll smooth the wrinkles from her weary wings, cuddle her into my arms, close my eyes and pretend she's only 4 and will be with me forever.

I'll tell I hope she had a great time, then I'll break the news to her about all the crappy oil that has now arrived on our beaches here and we can't go swimming anymore.

Next week, my topic might be on........ moving!

Gulf Coast Oil Spill: Awaiting Our Fate From The Angry Seas

There were no famous celebrities, nor national news present, nor was a TV telethon planned. Just a gathering of a community who cared to make their voices heard. They were brought together, not through screaming protests, but from the little voice of an 8 year old girl named Porsche Prince, a student at Pensacola Beach Elementary who had a strong desire to make a difference.

Porsche has been surfing since she was three, and upon hearing of the encroaching oil spill upon the snow white sands of the Gulf of Mexico which threaten the very ecosystem that depends on its fragile balance, she felt compelled to do something.

She enlisted the help of her mother, Jennifer Prince, to bring our community together in support of Pensacola Beach, even though no one was quite sure what to expect in the coming days ahead. There was no mass media coverage of the event; only a little article in the local Gulf Breeze newspaper to announce the event.

We approached the beach and were first greeted by red and purple flags which signaled dangerous surf and marine life. Upon reaching the shore, there were angry and raging waves that seemed to voice their hostility over the poison that lied deep within it's watery belly and its' inablity to regurgitate it with every wave they hammered upon the vulnerable white sand. The sky was hazy and white, and a thick blanket of fog that had been present since late in the afternoon, laid thick in the air all around us. The wind blew harried bits of sand in our faces as I walked around clicking photog moments around me.

All of nature seemed to be reacting to the same panic we all felt as we waited for more news of where the oil spill would be headed next.

The local news media did show up with a handful of cameras to document the occasion, and a healthy group of people of maybe 100 or so were there to attend as well. There were no protests signs or loud speakerphones yelling crude obscenities towards BP, Transocean, Haliburton, or even the government itself. No one selling t-shirts blazened with the words "Boycott Oil Drilling" either.

All that could be found among the local residents of this area was a quiet mingling of families and retirees, children playing in the sand, , people meditating at the water's edge, frisbees flying, and a colorful collection of kites snapping in the wind over our heads. A local cover band emotionally belted out tunes from the 60's as if to invite the feeling of what a protest would be like if we were in another time and place.

The gathering began with a trio of presenters who thanked Porsche Prince for thinking BIG enough to bring us together for this brief period of time, a Reverend who asked for prayers during our wait and watch moments, and a local representative who encouraged each of us to help when we could and to suggest where we could go and ask "What can I do to help?".

Loud applause followed when he said "We need to save our communities."

What people around the country don't really know is that this oil spill reaches far beyond saving our pristine beaches. This oil spill will seep into every thing people in the Gulf Coast areas hold valuable; their way of life.

A woman on CNN recently emailed a comment regarding "Should we still drill for oil in the Gulf?". She stated that "The spill is a risk we have to take, but yes, we should still drill." Much like a lot of other people, I didn't really contemplate this until the "risk" happened to my own area. It amazes me how we can spend more time and money on protecting and preserving the Hope Diamond than we do on one of the most valuable gifts God entrusted us with: Earth.

She, and people like her who don't live here have no clue what this will do not only the the fragile ecosystem here, but to the very life that people live. It was reported recently that if/when the oil creeps onto the oyster beds, it will take these beds two decades to recover.

This means that for 20 years, the people whose very house payments, food on the table, clothes on their kids back, depend on the harvesting of these oysters, will end as they know it because of the "risks" of having a oil rig explode and dump millions of toxic pollutants into the waters that will inevitably poison the very oysters that this woman probably eats from time to time.

The next time she, and others like her, are sitting back and downing their Oyster Rockefellers with their Top Shelf Martinis, I hope they remember that the very families that harvested those oysters their sliding down their arrogant throats are now out of a job for the 20 years!

Shrimpers and Oystermen are already filing lawsuits, but it will be a long time coming before they see the money. We all know how big corporate lawyers drag this stuff out; there's no difference here. What will happen to these people until the suits are settled is the real issue to discuss at the current time.

Meanwhile, you will be paying a lot more for that grouper you so love. Or how about that shrimp scampi you like to whip up for dinner. Hope you have a real fat wallet cause if you think Red Lobster was expensive before; you ain't see nothing yet! We haven't gotten to the discussion yet on how this is going to affect your gas tank this summer.

It doesn't just hurt us.... you're gonna pay for it too in the long run.


We Floridians are constantly complaining about tourists. It's the same way of life as is making the bulk of the money we will live on through the "cold" season when the tourist aren't here. We're schizoid about this sometimes.

As I write this, there is a constant stream of tourist pushing back and/or canceling vacation reservations thanks to BP and it's historic oil spill which is expected to eclipse the Exxon Valdez spill.

Let me repeat myself here: these businesses desperately rely on the revenues they make during the summer season to get them through the winter months. In other words, if the tourist don't come, bills to not get paid, shops/stores close up, people have to leave.

People do not understand what kind of economic impact this has on our area. We are still trying to dig out from Hurricane Ivan, Katrina, and Gustav. Yes, this recovery goes back that far. Add to that the recent Great Recession the country has been going through, and one can understand why this place is barely.... I say barely hanging on by a thread economically.

Let's give a small example here: Pensacola has one of the worst school systems in Florida, has become a haven to Katrina refugees which can't support them because there are no jobs worth having here, it has the worst water in the nation, and business' are closing left and right. If you want to see a clearer picture from the voices of the people themselves, then take a look at the Mason-Dixon survey that took place on July 22 - 27, 2009. It's not pretty, and this oil spill is gonna paint an even uglier picture when it's done.

But this is just one area of the Gulf. There are many more towns and cities that this will affect down the road. If the oil spill hits the Gulf stream currents, then it will continue outlining the entire Gulf side of Florida right down to the Florida Keys where they predict it will have devastating affects.

Remember, BP doesn't expect to have a handle on capping the oil leak for up to 90 days!

This is not like something that will just disappear when people are tired of hearing it on the news or talking about it. For those of us who live on the Gulf Coast, this will affect our children's children, and the very lives that depend on the Gulf in order to make a living.

Any for anyone like the likes of Rush Limbaugh who blame "environmentalist wackos" on the massive oil during the annual Earth Day celebration; well..... I lump them all in the same douche bag category that I put this arrogant, fat, pompous ass into!

So those of us who live and work on the Gulf Coast sit patiently by and wait to see what the torrent waters we have now will bring in during the coming week. Some have already seen their fishing careers come to an abrupt halt as a result of the "sweet crude" sludge filtering through the deeper waters off the coast. We're talking about a $2.4 billion industry in this region folks.

Booms are going up, but the waves are so violent and high due to the weather that the oil will inevitably spill over into the wetlands and the shores they were suppose to protect.

As State of Emergencies are declared in the states outlining the Gulf Coast waters, we can only.....

"Wait baby...... wait."



BTW, you celebrities in Hollywood can go ahead and start planning that National TV Telethon on behalf of the destruction of the Gulf Coast. We are all going to need it!


If you wish to help, please contact the following:

• Escambia County - BRACE, United Way, and First Call Volunteer help - Call 1-850-595-5905 between 8 a.m., and 5 p.m. on Saturday and 1 p.m., to 5 p.m., on Sunday to register to volunteer.

• Santa Rosa County - Help Thy Neighbors - 1-850-983-5223

• The BP Community Support Team has set up a hotline for those who would like to help: 866-448-5816;

• The National Wildlife Federation is working with the Coalition to Restore Coastal Louisiana, and is encouraging anyone in the southern Louisiana area looking to help to reach out through its website;

• The International Bird Rescue and Research Center has sent a team of specialists to the region to help with any oiled wildlife. If you spot oiled wildlife, call the Wildlife Reporting Hotline at 866-557-1401. Please note that oiled birds (or any other oiled wildlife) should not be captured, but reported to the hotline;

• The National Audubon Society is recruiting volunteers to be trained to respond to the oil spill. They are also encouraging members of the public to contact the Interior Department and encourage them to halt the expansion of offshore oil drilling in the eastern United States;

• Alabama residents are asked to contact the Mobile Bay National Estuary Program at 251-431-6409;

• Or contact the Mobile Baykeeper at 251- 433-4229 to volunteer anywhere along the Gulf Coast;

• Save Our Seabirds is a Florida bird rescue group that is looking for volunteers as its response team prepares to help oiled wildlife. To help, call 941-388-3010;

• OilSpillVolunteers.com is also needing volunteers to assist with the cleanup.

• Reporting an injured or oiled wildlife: 1-866-557-1401