Thursday, April 29, 2010

It's Back To School Time For Mama!

So I've been busy getting ready for school. Financial Aid finally showed up out of nowhere, classes are paid, and I'm going tomorrow to pick up the books and supplies for my classes that cost a little less than a car loan for that Ford Flex I've been pining away for.

Can someone explain to me why a book that consists of a little over 100 pages, costs me over $100 to buy?

OooooOOOOOoooh! Because it was updated! That explains the inflationary value of the thing..... NOT!

I came to my senses and decided not to finish off and do Dental Hygienist because I had temporarily forgotten my needle phobia and thought it would be okay to stab someone with a 6 inch needle of Novocaine. I also forgot that I would be the one actually passed out on the floor afterwards instead of the patient.

I don't think that job would last too long after that.

So I went back to my roots: Digital Mulitimedia and IT Networking. It seems only natural since I am on the computer so stinking much anyway that the kids wouldn't really notice if I was working or not.

What they are having a "problem" with is that this time I won't be doing online classes; I actually have to leave the house to attend the college. So far this isn't going over too well. They think that they are going to be left eating only bread and water for dinner since that seems to be the only thing the hubs can make without burning, or having to O.D., on rotisserie chicken from Publix.

Moaning and groaning is not in short supply around here I tell you!

So I'm pretty sure that I am going to get plenty of "emergency" phone calls like this while in class:

"Hello. What's up Nadia?"

"No... Daddy's making what? Pasta with garlic and olive oil?."

"He burnt the garlic? It's black?"

"And you wanna know how to get all the smoke out of the kitchen?"

"Why can't you see? Because of all the smoke? You can't see anybody? You can't even see the kitchen cabinets!?"

"Can you see Julian anywhere? No?"

"Yell to him to get the big fan out of the garage."

Pause while I hear Nadia yell at Julian and of course everyone else in my classroom can hear her as well cause she kinda has a loud voice in the yelling department.

"He fell? Cause he couldn't see because of all the smoke? Is he okay?"

"Good. Now tell him to open the kitchen window and point the fan so it's blowing air out the window; not in the kitchen. This will suck the smoke out."

And yes... I have to explain some things in detail because lack of common sense runs rampid in my family during moments like these!

"Hold on Nadia, I have to work this algebra problem."

"b negative square times b over a equals a over b 3."

"No Nadia, I didn't say anything about getting bee's; I'm doing a math problem with b's in it."

"MATH problems Nadia - NOT grades!"

"What should you do about what?"

"What to do about the fire? WHAT fire!?"

"The fire on the stove that daddy started!"

"Where's daddy?"

"Running around and yelling about the fire?!"

"Nadia! Get the salt and pour the whole container on the fire! NOW!"

"I don't care if it's expensive sea salt - THROW IT ON THE FIRE NOW!!!"

Everyone in the classroom will now stopped listening to the teacher and all eyes will be on me and my frantic phone conversation in the corner of the classroom.

"Daddy wants to do what? Tell him NOT to pour water on burning olive oil! He'll blow up the kitchen!"

"YES, I DO know what I'm talking about since my brother's did the same thing when I was little; so I DO have some knowledge in this area of whether or not I will still have a kitchen when I GET HOME!!!"

"Okay, the fire is going down. NO - do not fan it with a dish towel; just throw ALL the salt on it!"

I should now be getting suggestions from other classmates and the teacher as now not to have my house burnt down at this moment. One will probably be attempting to call 911 to send the fire department to my house at this time.

"Daddy wants you to clean up the kitchen now? Make daddy clean it up - it's his mess."

"He says he's too tired. He's heading for the Xbox!"

The class should be laughing at me now.

"Tell Julian to hide the components to the remotes now! Do it quick!!!"

Suddenly I hear arguing between the hubs, Nadia, and Julian and realize it's my signal to leave class early, go home and put the referee shirt on and deal with this.

The class is on the floor in hysterics cause somehow I would have managed to hit speaker phone on my cell phone and it will be broadcasting the chaos throughout the classroom.

"Nadia. Nadia! I'm coming home now. Just keep daddy away from the Xbox AND the stove. I'll just bring pizza home."

Nadia will mumble a quiet "Thank God!", as she hangs up the phone. I will be gathering my books and assignments apologetically, while leaving my math class in humiliation as the laughter continues behind the closing door.

I'm just hoping to scratch out a "C" in this class because I don't think my family dynamics will allow me on the Dean's List this year.

Driving home from school while contemplating what I'll find at home has me completely understanding why I took online classes in the first place!

Pray for me this summer semester..... pray very hard!


Morchua said...

Hahahaha I can actually envision this! I think Daddy should leave the cooking to the kids. Perhaps you should just lock him up in the attic with the XBox! LOL

Draft Queen said...

Balancing school and work can be tricky. So far no one has called me to tell me about kitchen fires, however. They just wait until I get home to tell me about flames shooting out of the oven.

Good luck in school!

Tara R. said...

Good luck with classes and juggling house duty. The kids might surprise you... and in a good way.

Anavar said...

First I wanted to wish you good luck in school, but I think you'll need it more at home! ;)