Thursday, April 16, 2009

Let's Talk Popcorn -But Not The Kind You Eat

I've been stuck in the house for the past two days while my bathroom ceilings are being "redone". They have that tacky popcorn ceiling texture that was sprayed on by lazy construction workers cause it's not as labor intensive to put it on like texture ceilings are. Well, I'm getting the stinking texture ceilings now.

I am kinda getting use to the new plastic wrap curtains that line my bathroom walls, accented with sky blue painters tape. It's the so tres chic meets roll me over and gag me look! Let's not talk about the girls shower curtain we will now have to replace cause he ripped it off the hooks in a few places. And he said it would be okay if I left it hanging up; grrrrrrr.

In my honest and experienced opinion; popcorn ceilings are pure crap and a total waste of time and money. The Chinese must have come up with the idea of popcorn ceilings just like they have the toxic drywall that has been installed in over 100,000 homes of late and has to be ripped out just like my ceilings.

Well, it had to be redone cause frankly, the stuff was peeling off and hanging above our heads, occasionally dropping on my daughter's as she took a shower. The bathrooms were beginning to take on that Jerry Springer "I live in a trailer park" look and it was completely creeping me out.

So the guy has been showing up at 7:30 in the morning, which causes everyone to have to get up an hour earlier around here so that no one is caught in their skivvies while rubbing off that yellow crud you get in your eyes when you first wake up. Nia lives in her princess dress these days so we don't have to worry about her.

I'm dragging my half-asleep ass to the door while still in a sleep stupor trying to shove my first cup of coffee down my throat so I can deal with all the scraping, whirring and thunderous sounds of mud being stirrred in my garage before my nervous system is even half functioning! I manage a flash of a quick fake smile as he enters the house, that translates to a "I'm so glad you're here to turn my seemingly pleasant morning into another migraine headache!"

Shit like this should not be happening this early in the morning!

But it's been an all day process, and I am praying that I will see some end to it today. He was kind enough to pick us up a new door knob that my husband had to take off one of the hall doors last week. Some clever goober thought it was a good idea to put a knob on that locks on the inside of the closet! So my baby girl thought it would be fun to lock herself inside the closet; only she couldn't figure out how to unlock it from the inside once she was in there. Toni was her partner in crime, and I am sure she talked Nia into doing it cause.... that's her job!

"Daaaaaadddddeeeeee!", cried her muffled screams from inside the closet.

"Mom, mom, Nia locked herself inside the closet!" "She can't get out and I can't get her out either!", Toni comes yelling, and half laughing across the house.

So my husband has to find something from his vast collection of tools from one of his four toolboxes. They're all a complete mess, even though he religiously "organizes" them, so it takes him awhile to find the appropriate utensils to remove one bad ass door knob. Toni and I keep Nia company with rounds of tunes from the movie, Enchanted. Pretending to be the character Giselle, she begins: "Why do you smelllllllll like pork chops!" she's sings creatively (the words are suppose to be "How do you know she loves you"), to the top of her lungs as she sits while old videos and worn out games fall upon her head. Why do my kids do this?

My husband takes apart the door knob, breaking it in the process (nothing is ever done simply in our house), thus producing a slightly pale, but very happy three year old. That door sported a yellow barricade on it that reminds one of a police crime scene in progress.

So I'm grateful for the new door knob, but not the leftover popcorn that now adorns every square inch of floor space on the north side of the house. Nadia was offered the lucky task of vacuuming it up yesterday, but it's back today again. I cannot wait to see her eyeballs roll when she sees this. Let's not mention how six people have been reduced to using just one bathroom; Julian's. Okay, it's not pretty, but we have no choice.

God, he is such a little dictator with his bathroom too. He's been running around since yesterday afternoon dictating policy on who cleans what in his bathroom if everyone is going to have to use it. He sounds more and more like is father everyday. The girls have to keep the countertop and mirror cleaned, I have to mop and sweep, and dad has to make sure the tub is clean. And NO ONE is to touch his "special" brown towels in his bathroom closet. Those are his special towels and he doesn't want them messed up with girl stuf,f or my husbands leftover razor stubble from the mornings shave.

What have I raised!

So I sit here with my ears stuffed with cottonballs because the mixer is so loud and Nia has her computer game volume turned on so loud that China is now rocking out to her dress up game program. I don't really care about either for the moment. I just want my bathrooms back looking somewhat inhabitable without little white foosies falling on our heads giving us the appearance of a some mysterious and exotic mushrooms growing on our heads.

I have just been informed that it will take at least one more day to do the ceilings. Julian is not going to be happy. I've also been told that I will have to paint it once it's done; this guy doesn't do painting.

I have now added painting the bathroom of my ever growing to-do list of:

  1. starting a new business
  2. coordinating a yard sale with three years of stuff to get rid of
  3. creatively restructuring our budget so that we can even live in this place
  4. designing and making raised bed gardens from scratch
  5. teaching everyone how to garden without killing the food we need to eat this summer
  6. how to keep curtains on the wall without Nia thinking they are vines to swing from
  7. how to fill the holes she left after she pulled the last curtain rod out of the wall
  8. how to fill the hole she left in another door after climbing to get her Valentines candy
  9. making my husbands new website and his blog and keeping up with my blog
  10. monitoring all my kids science projects which now encompass three rooms of the house

The question is: what color should I pick?

1 comment:

Gondooo said...

Hey, with a lil help from the government you will soon be able to scratch #5 off your list! ;)