Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Well Valentine's Day is coming up and it's another semi-holiday that has me running around like a pig about to be bbq'd. You know, it's quite unfair to just be getting over Christmas when suddenly we walk into the mega-stores around mid January and freaking cupid is pointing that dumb arrow right at us. And I'm not sure if it's me or the exhaust fumes I've been inhaling while stalled in traffic, but I swear I hear him murmuring "Buuyyy, BUUYYYY!". I am entranced for a moment.

Okay, BACK to reality; I don't know about the rest of the parents, but I still have a hangover from Christmas. So I try to ignore Valentines existence until the last minute when I'm running around trying to buy up what's left of the Valentine cards that corporations say we must buy for our kids or we are terrible parents? I thought about scratching names off of last years Valentine's and recycling them for this year. After all, we are downsizing our finances and materialistic habits, aren't we?

This idea didn't go over too well with the kids. It met with a lot of bugged out eyeballs and mouths hanging down to their tween-sized toes. I guess the mere mentioning of this absurd idea knocked them off their social standings a few pegs, because even their friends wouldn't look at me for a few days. I had been ostracized by tweens - OH GOD! WHAT-everrr! Been there, done that, have the t-shirt - GOT OVER IT!

Then I get a email this morning from my son's "room mother" for his classroom. I have been informed that I need to make chocolate covered strawberries for 21 hyperactive 5th graders who are getting a surprise party for Friday the 13th because they won't be in school on the 14th. Now don't you think that it's a bit ironic celebrating a luuuuv day on the same day that everybody thinks horrible acts of Satan are going to be committed? Anyway, I am told that I need to make enough to feed each kid at least 2 strawberries, plus enough to make their moms crave even more. So, I'm looking at least ........ 60 freaking, hand-dipped, chocolate covered strawberries!! And I have only one day to shop and create.

OH! She also informs me that I am also suppose to arrive at the school on Thursday evening at 6 pm to "decorate" my son's desk for another "surprise" for Valentines! I realize now that not only have to juggle my son's party, I have to find a babysitter at the last minute to watch 4 kids because my husband is going to be out of town for the whole day! Did I mention that we just moved here and I don't KNOW any babysitters yet? I'm feeling the pressure as I whip a email back at her because I have yet another problem.

"Um, can you tell me what they are doing in the other 5th grade class because my son has a twin sister and this whole "surprise" thing is not going to sit well in my house come this weekend. If I do this for my son and then not do the same for her in her class, it's gonna cause some issues. You know what I mean?" I type, hoping that my words are "smiling" at her as she reads them.

She types back: "I don't know that they're doing anything like this because we're doing a surprise party, but I'm sure they're doing something." That's it, end of email. No suggestions, no sympathy, Nada!

So I do the motherly thing in order to maintain peace and tranquility this weekend. I grab my grocery list ant double the amount of strawberries, chocolate, chocolate bunnies, personal Valentines cards, wrapping paper (yes, we are suppose to "wrap" the desk like a damn Christmas present!), 3 heart shaped balloons, 3 sets of crappy, corporate-cartoon Valentines cards, 3 bags of Valentines candy, and 1 bottle of Valium if I can beg the pharmacist to fork it over without asking any questions; IN MY DREAMS!

I have to not only do my son's desk in a Valentine-wrapped bliss complete with all the heart-shaped trimmings, but I'm gonna have to do double duty on Thursday night and do his twins sisters too. That is the responsibility of a mom with multiples; you do double duty. I am just sooo glad I am NOT that woman who just gave girth to 8 right now! I don't know what the hell she's gonna do on Valentines day because that $1.2 million someone quoted it cost to raise those 8 to ages 18, DOES NOT included holiday expenses and "surprise" parties at school!

They call Wednesday hump-day because it's suppose to make the rest of week go easier. But my hump to climb starts tomorrow and I have procrastinated till the last minute yet another year. Last year I was making homemade wooden Valentine boxes for all the kids because they were "required". They had to be designed so that they worked like simple machines. Simple my paa-tooo-tee! Heellooooo! What idiot came up with that idea! I was drilling, screwing, gluing, and cussing until the wee hours of the morning for days on those projects. If it weren't for the parties they all were having, I would have called them all in sick on Valentines. But when I was done and those boxes were all decorated in pretty red and pink paper with little heart and cupid cut-outs on it (and they worked too!), I was a God(dess) to my kids. They were three beautiful boxes for three beautiful kids. They loved me even more, and I had lost half my hair in the process. But they did give me lot's of chocolate for my efforts afterwards.

That's all kinda become a distant memory - until now. Can someone tell me if this much fuss was ever made over Valentines day when we were young? Hell, I was lucky to get a Valentines and one of those stupid candies with "Be Mine" stamped on top of it. Who decided we should start throwing these grand, catered parties for children on Valentines, then let them loose on mom and dad after they've completely annihilated and ingested cupcakes, cookies, mounds of chocolate, punch, juice, those stupid heart candies, lollypops, and of course, my chocolate covered strawberries. THIS is why we stay at moms are such an emotional and psychological wreck! We see this coming AND WE LET IT HAPPEN! WHY!!!!

Because we luuuuuuv them! We went through 24 bloody hours of pain to bring them into this world and they are gonna GET THEIR PARTY!!

So tomorrow I'm gonna get up, go to the gym, then haul my sore butt off to WallyWorld and fill my basket right along with all the other harried moms trying to do the same because THEY procrastinated right along with me. We are a club and we know our members. The downside is that these corporate jerks that we're bailing out financially are gonna get a little bit more money from me again just because my kids have gotta have those crappy Valentines cards or their social lives are over! The upside is that.....
I get to be........
their mom :-)

Happy Valentines Day!

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