I was doing some early Spring cleaning of my old email files from my earthlink account as I'm in the process of closing it down because, really, who actually PAYS for email addresses anymore?
"Stupid me..... that's who!"
As I was happily deleting crap I haven't even LOOKED at in years on that account, I found this "job description" my "Sista" in Arizona sent to me way... back... in....... 2007! It was pretty dusty, but I blew the cyber-dust off and decided it needed to be share.
Because I am one of those mom's going through my own reality check at this moment. You know the one where you sit back and cry for days about how you spent ALL this time since your kids were born, taking care of them, loving them, kissing their boo-boo's, buying just the right toys on birthdays and holidays, spend hours listening to the most ob-NOX-ious stories you have ever heard and smiling/laughing politely, but enthusiastically....
ONLY TO HAVE YOUR FREAKING KIDS
TELL YOU THEY HATE YOU,
YOU'RE RUINING THEIR LIVES
AND WILL NOT DO A DAMN THING YOU ASK THEM TO!
I'm glad I stored this email away because it came in very handy this morning as I was having one of my *pity me* crying fits for the 4th day in a row. I had forgotten that this is what to expect in the life of a mother.
That, and the fact that my husband had to remind me,
because that's why he HAS to do from time to time,
that the kids will never change,
but I can change
because I have the bloody common sense to at this age,
and they don't!
So for all you mothers/fathers who may be experiencing to some degree, the same as I am right now.... this is for you.
It is also for those mothers/fathers who are living in a temporary state of love, kisses, and coo's. Wise up! It's NOT gonna last long and this is to prepare you for what lies ahead!
By the way....
Thank you Deborah for sending this to me so many years ago.
Thank you for sharing your wise, wonderful, and humorist advice with me.
This really came in handy today!
Thank you to my husband for hearing me, advising me, but NOT lecturing me this morning. Words cannot tell you how much this was appreciated!
*A PARENT'S JOB DESCRIPTION*
Long term, team players needed for challenging and permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates MUST possess excellent communication, ongoing psychic abilities, and organizational skills, and be willing to work variable hours which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel is required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses are not reinbursed. Extensive couriers duties also required.
The rest of your life! Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from 0 to 60 in 3 seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard or playroom are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as:
- small gadget repair
- mysteriously sluggish toilets
- stuck zippers
Must also have some medical expertise in case of minor cuts, scraps, or the removal of spitballs from a nasal cavity.
Must screen phone calls maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing for at least a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final and complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance, maid work, and janitorial throughout the entire facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
None! YOUR job is to remain in the SAME position for years - without complaining. You are expected to constantly retrain and update your skills so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually physically and emotionally exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this - YOU pay THEM!
Offering them frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption and hope that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could do only more.
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays, and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.